Happy Birthday Jesus!

Hey everone! Just like to greet you all a blessed Christmas! I wish you all a great day ahead! Be glad for our saviour king is born! Alleluia ;)

Saz Ten years from now...

So... an interesting topic here. I attended one of the workshops in my university today about revisions and time keeping and funnily enough this came up and the lecturer asked us to imagine ourselves in this scenario:

10 years from now, where will you be? What clothes are you wearing and what job are you doing? When you get off your work and stand outside the door of your house, what does it look like? Are you living in a flat? Apartment? Bungalow? Do you own your house? As you go into your foyer, you pick up a bunch of letters. What kind of letters do you have? While you're relaxing in your sitting room/living room, how does it look like? Are there pictures? what kind of pictures?

This made me think, and an image of what I imagined myself ten years from now appeared in my mind. So in this scenario I had in my head, I am working as a doctor in some hospital. I just finished a hard and tiring shift and had taken off my white lab coat (those white coats that the doctor usually have... if you get my drift). As I stood in front of my apartment door in some high rise building, letters in my hand, I headed straight to the living room flicking the lights as I went past the hall. I had letters from the bank, my family and the usual bills. My living room were modest with couches, a wooden coffee table that sat snugly at the center, my TV is mounted on the wall and below it was pictures of my family, friends and myself. My apartment is open planned with the living room, dining room and the kitchen all connected to make a whole open space. It had an adequate lighting, while one of the walls of the living room were made up of floor to ceiling glasses that faces the city and gives a stunning view at night.

That's that. To be honest, I think it's pretty ambitious--what with how it seems like such an expensive apartment and all that. But really it's all right to think big, who knows, it might turn out to be one of the things that motivates you to do your best.

So, Think BIG and ALWAYS do your BEST!

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"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive- to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love-then make that day count!"

- Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

Gone are the 'excuses'!

Excuses? What are you talking about?! I don't do excuses!

Right. Well, we all know that that statement is utterly unbelievable, as much as it pains me to admit it, it is the sad truth. I love excuses. I use them all the time to get out of doing anything and everything.

I got a glimpse of my timetable for uni a few moments ago and what I saw did not surprise me. I knew there were some very persistent people who insist that I won't have classes 5 times a week -- how wrong they are! I have found out that I do, indeed, have classes all days of the week (not including the weekends).

But that's all right, actually, I don't mind going to lectures/laboratory/classes everyday since I will be living there. What saddens me is that I no longer have my excuse of not knowing my timetable to procrastinate. But then, again, I'm glad since I have a genuine reason to tell myself when I don't want to do something and when I absolutely have to do it.

P.S. I hope there won't be any violent reactions to my admittance of using excuses. I apologize in advance for any harm this might cause. To my defense, and I know this will sound contradictory to what I wrote earlier, most of the excuses I make are genuine. ;)

(Who am I even apologizing to?)

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I find myself losing the meaning of words, once my head is clouded with lack of sleep.

-S.

The Confuzzled idiot

If things were to go as I want it to be, maybe then, I will really be able to do it. But as it turns out, life just doesn't work that way. Dreams needs time and effort to be reached.

Funny, how I envy those people who have a one-track mind in times like this. So then, I wouldn't be distracted then, I wouldn't stray. Maybe if I have those blinders that horses have, I can reach it. So then, I wouldn't see nor will my attention be diverted to something useless.

I was asked a question, that I am unable to fully recall, about what I need to do to be better or something along those lines, and I answered 'I need to fix my life.' I said it with such seriousness that we all laughed afterwards. But looking back, my answer couldn't be more true. I do, indeed, need to fix my life--something I should have done soon after I realized how disorganized it is.

So then... how do I start doing that?

Losing yourself

Tears flowed out uncontrollably

and finally I felt peace

This weekend I went to the 13th CFC Youth For Christ European Conference that was held in Dedbden House Court, Essex. It was a gathering of all YFCs from Austria to the United Kingdom and more than 250 youths attended the event. It was such an awesome three days! And I truly thank God for bringing me there. Truly his love is amazing and his timing perfect!

Truth be told before the conference, I was reverting back to what I was before the YFC. I was already having doubts, being complacent and my mind was starting to wander to things it shouldn't be. I was in the state of 'spiritual dryness' and was drifting away from Jesus.

I had a lot of fun meeting new people and past acquaintances, taking pictures, worshiping, listening, looking around, playing, eating, going to the workshops, making new friends, going to mass and chatting away; but somewhere in me was a person of indifference. There was a part of me that was detached to my surrounding and to what I was doing, so I never felt relieved, never truly enjoyed the moment, thus when our area head called us for a meeting and asked us 'What is God's message to you so far?'

I was at lost of what to say and have no idea at the time of what God was telling me. When I replied "Wala... I don't know" (Nothing... I don't know), our leader jokingly said, "Wala pa? kaylangan na ata tayong mag-worry nian" (None? Should we start worrying?)

That was two days into the conference, more than four times of worship, two workshops, a mass and a lot of prayers.

It was a question and an answer that made me uneasy and made me question myself more.

That evening, we had the next two talks of our conference. It was two very good talks and the sharers were very inspiring and touching but I was somehow stopping myself from engaging and fully immersing myself to what they were saying. It was late and I found myself getting droopy and being distracted of the things I was holding, of the people around me, the camera and the fact that my bladder was bursting and I badly needed the toilet. I was still a bit indifferent.

On the third day came the last mass and with it the last talk and the last worship given by Kuya Ralph. It was time for the talk titled 'Ready for the Win' and I was sitting at the front, with nothing to distract me except the people in front, the people beside me and my camera. I had a full view of the speaker and I had no choice but to listen intently. There was times that I wanted to go to sleep, yes. But most of the time I was awake and I was listening.

Maybe it was God's plan to put me in front. To stop me from being distracted and to finally listen to what he was trying to tell me all throughout the weekend. We are in a constant spiritual battle. Everyday, in all of the battlegrounds, Satan is attacking us. In our Family, Relationships, Studies, Hobbies and Service. Because we are special and because we are very loved by God the Father, we are more prone to these attacks. Satan has just one goal--that is to hurt God, and he's doing this by hurting and making his beloved children suffer.

But God knows this and that's why he gave us an armour to fight Satan and protect us from these attacks. He gave us his armour, specially and uniquely made for us. God knows that we are weak and easily swayed, he knows us best that's why he made this armour custom made for each and everyone of us. It is up to us to accept our own weaknesses, stand up and take up this armour and fight in his army.

During this last worship, I understood what one of the sharers felt when he said how wonderful it was to worship God and truly mean what you were singing. In this worship I found myself conversing to God and I understood the joy of acknowledging my weaknesses and lifting it all up to him. My surroundings didn't matter, I didn't care of all of the people around me, I didn't care if they see me cry, or if my voice broke. In that moment it was just God and Me. I was singing and worshiping him and I was meaning what I was saying. Finally, I heard God's message and my tears continued to flow out uncontrollably and I finally felt peace. All of my doubts, my anxiousness, fears, hurts, my feeling of unworthiness, dirtiness and my questions were answered and washed away. God said "I'm here, I'm always with you. Follow me."

I surrendered everything to God. He washed away my sins, purified my soul and made my heart at peace. He took me apart bit by bit and made me new. I decided to put on his armour, to be part of his army and run to him.

I am Suzana Bulos and I am armed and ready!

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God do not call the qualified. God qualifies the called.

-Father Angel

The scaredy cat

A post just to say that I'm actually still here. hahaha.

First I shall all greet you a fair day ahead. Now that that is done and over with. I'll tell you about my day! I had work this morning at the cardiac care unit. It was a nice ward. Nothing really hectic and the staff and the patients are lovely. I did the routine. Change the beddings, wash the patients, do the obs etc. etc.

It was a lovely morning besides one of our patients passing away. I helped in washing and cleaning her up and in putting her in the white bag. She was collected later on to go to the morgue.

That was the first time I saw a patient passing away and when the nurse asked me to clean her on my own... call me whatever you wish, but I was scared. I was alone with the patient in the side room and everyone was busy. I stayed away from her and started filling the bowl with water but I just couldn't do it. My nerves was kicking in and I was just really afraid of touching her. I don't know... maybe I just watched too many horror movies but I imagined her grabbing me and opening her eyes if I touch her and that really crept me out. She was 'deathly pale' (now I actually know what that looks like and not just imagine it) and cold.

It was just really unnerving to see a person you've seen breathing in the morning, dead. So, it was to my relief when the nurse said that I didn't have to do that anymore as the relatives didn't want to see the body. So what I did was, I cleaned her mouth up a bit and bolted out of the room. I later on went in to help the nurses clean her up and I was fine since there were more people in the room. I just couldn't do it alone since I'm such a scaredy cat.

After finishing my shift, I went home and organised my letters and posted another evidence to student finance. So, that's it really. I'd like to ask you guys to pray for the soul of the lady who died today and her family who was left behind. May she rest in peace.

-S

... ~ :/

The initial burst of happiness has ebbed away and the anxiety and fear starts to creep in. It wasn't that I am reluctant to accept and do the job but I am nervous of the oncoming storm of blunders. It's like the first day of school all over again, except a wrong move on my side may lead to people hurting more than they already are.