Wild Palette

Happy Birthday Jesus!

2011-12-25T01:57:00.001Z

Hey everone! Just like to greet you all a blessed Christmas! I wish you all a great day ahead! Be glad for our saviour king is born! Alleluia ;)

Saz Ten years from now...

2011-10-05T21:03:00.004+01:00

So... an interesting topic here. I attended one of the workshops in my university today about revisions and time keeping and funnily enough this came up and the lecturer asked us to imagine ourselves in this scenario:

10 years from now, where will you be? What clothes are you wearing and what job are you doing? When you get off your work and stand outside the door of your house, what does it look like? Are you living in a flat? Apartment? Bungalow? Do you own your house? As you go into your foyer, you pick up a bunch of letters. What kind of letters do you have? While you're relaxing in your sitting room/living room, how does it look like? Are there pictures? what kind of pictures?

This made me think, and an image of what I imagined myself ten years from now appeared in my mind. So in this scenario I had in my head, I am working as a doctor in some hospital. I just finished a hard and tiring shift and had taken off my white lab coat (those white coats that the doctor usually have... if you get my drift). As I stood in front of my apartment door in some high rise building, letters in my hand, I headed straight to the living room flicking the lights as I went past the hall. I had letters from the bank, my family and the usual bills. My living room were modest with couches, a wooden coffee table that sat snugly at the center, my TV is mounted on the wall and below it was pictures of my family, friends and myself. My apartment is open planned with the living room, dining room and the kitchen all connected to make a whole open space. It had an adequate lighting, while one of the walls of the living room were made up of floor to ceiling glasses that faces the city and gives a stunning view at night.

That's that. To be honest, I think it's pretty ambitious--what with how it seems like such an expensive apartment and all that. But really it's all right to think big, who knows, it might turn out to be one of the things that motivates you to do your best.

So, Think BIG and ALWAYS do your BEST!

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"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive- to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love-then make that day count!"
- Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

Gone are the 'excuses'!

2011-09-21T13:56:00.003+01:00

Excuses? What are you talking about?! I don't do excuses!

Right. Well, we all know that that statement is utterly unbelievable, as much as it pains me to admit it, it is the sad truth. I love excuses. I use them all the time to get out of doing anything and everything.

I got a glimpse of my timetable for uni a few moments ago and what I saw did not surprise me. I knew there were some very persistent people who insist that I won't have classes 5 times a week -- how wrong they are! I have found out that I do, indeed, have classes all days of the week (not including the weekends).

But that's all right, actually, I don't mind going to lectures/laboratory/classes everyday since I will be living there. What saddens me is that I no longer have my excuse of not knowing my timetable to procrastinate. But then, again, I'm glad since I have a genuine reason to tell myself when I don't want to do something and when I absolutely have to do it.

P.S. I hope there won't be any violent reactions to my admittance of using excuses. I apologize in advance for any harm this might cause. To my defense, and I know this will sound contradictory to what I wrote earlier, most of the excuses I make are genuine. ;)

(Who am I even apologizing to?)

-------------------------------------------
I find myself losing the meaning of words, once my head is clouded with lack of sleep.
-S.

The Confuzzled idiot

2011-09-17T17:22:00.002+01:00

If things were to go as I want it to be, maybe then, I will really be able to do it. But as it turns out, life just doesn't work that way. Dreams needs time and effort to be reached.

Funny, how I envy those people who have a one-track mind in times like this. So then, I wouldn't be distracted then, I wouldn't stray. Maybe if I have those blinders that horses have, I can reach it. So then, I wouldn't see nor will my attention be diverted to something useless.

I was asked a question, that I am unable to fully recall, about what I need to do to be better or something along those lines, and I answered 'I need to fix my life.' I said it with such seriousness that we all laughed afterwards. But looking back, my answer couldn't be more true. I do, indeed, need to fix my life--something I should have done soon after I realized how disorganized it is.

So then... how do I start doing that?

Losing yourself

2011-08-01T13:54:00.009+01:00

Tears flowed out uncontrollably

and finally I felt peace

This weekend I went to the 13th CFC Youth For Christ European Conference that was held in Dedbden House Court, Essex. It was a gathering of all YFCs from Austria to the United Kingdom and more than 250 youths attended the event. It was such an awesome three days! And I truly thank God for bringing me there. Truly his love is amazing and his timing perfect!

Truth be told before the conference, I was reverting back to what I was before the YFC. I was already having doubts, being complacent and my mind was starting to wander to things it shouldn't be. I was in the state of 'spiritual dryness' and was drifting away from Jesus.

I had a lot of fun meeting new people and past acquaintances, taking pictures, worshiping, listening, looking around, playing, eating, going to the workshops, making new friends, going to mass and chatting away; but somewhere in me was a person of indifference. There was a part of me that was detached to my surrounding and to what I was doing, so I never felt relieved, never truly enjoyed the moment, thus when our area head called us for a meeting and asked us 'What is God's message to you so far?'

I was at lost of what to say and have no idea at the time of what God was telling me. When I replied "Wala... I don't know" (Nothing... I don't know), our leader jokingly said, "Wala pa? kaylangan na ata tayong mag-worry nian" (None? Should we start worrying?)

That was two days into the conference, more than four times of worship, two workshops, a mass and a lot of prayers.

It was a question and an answer that made me uneasy and made me question myself more.

That evening, we had the next two talks of our conference. It was two very good talks and the sharers were very inspiring and touching but I was somehow stopping myself from engaging and fully immersing myself to what they were saying. It was late and I found myself getting droopy and being distracted of the things I was holding, of the people around me, the camera and the fact that my bladder was bursting and I badly needed the toilet. I was still a bit indifferent.

On the third day came the last mass and with it the last talk and the last worship given by Kuya Ralph. It was time for the talk titled 'Ready for the Win' and I was sitting at the front, with nothing to distract me except the people in front, the people beside me and my camera. I had a full view of the speaker and I had no choice but to listen intently. There was times that I wanted to go to sleep, yes. But most of the time I was awake and I was listening.

Maybe it was God's plan to put me in front. To stop me from being distracted and to finally listen to what he was trying to tell me all throughout the weekend. We are in a constant spiritual battle. Everyday, in all of the battlegrounds, Satan is attacking us. In our Family, Relationships, Studies, Hobbies and Service. Because we are special and because we are very loved by God the Father, we are more prone to these attacks. Satan has just one goal--that is to hurt God, and he's doing this by hurting and making his beloved children suffer.

But God knows this and that's why he gave us an armour to fight Satan and protect us from these attacks. He gave us his armour, specially and uniquely made for us. God knows that we are weak and easily swayed, he knows us best that's why he made this armour custom made for each and everyone of us. It is up to us to accept our own weaknesses, stand up and take up this armour and fight in his army.

During this last worship, I understood what one of the sharers felt when he said how wonderful it was to worship God and truly mean what you were singing. In this worship I found myself conversing to God and I understood the joy of acknowledging my weaknesses and lifting it all up to him. My surroundings didn't matter, I didn't care of all of the people around me, I didn't care if they see me cry, or if my voice broke. In that moment it was just God and Me. I was singing and worshiping him and I was meaning what I was saying. Finally, I heard God's message and my tears continued to flow out uncontrollably and I finally felt peace. All of my doubts, my anxiousness, fears, hurts, my feeling of unworthiness, dirtiness and my questions were answered and washed away. God said "I'm here, I'm always with you. Follow me."

I surrendered everything to God. He washed away my sins, purified my soul and made my heart at peace. He took me apart bit by bit and made me new. I decided to put on his armour, to be part of his army and run to him.

I am Suzana Bulos and I am armed and ready!

---------------------------------------

God do not call the qualified. God qualifies the called.

-Father Angel

The scaredy cat

2011-04-13T23:38:00.002+01:00

A post just to say that I'm actually still here. hahaha.

First I shall all greet you a fair day ahead. Now that that is done and over with. I'll tell you about my day! I had work this morning at the cardiac care unit. It was a nice ward. Nothing really hectic and the staff and the patients are lovely. I did the routine. Change the beddings, wash the patients, do the obs etc. etc.

It was a lovely morning besides one of our patients passing away. I helped in washing and cleaning her up and in putting her in the white bag. She was collected later on to go to the morgue.

That was the first time I saw a patient passing away and when the nurse asked me to clean her on my own... call me whatever you wish, but I was scared. I was alone with the patient in the side room and everyone was busy. I stayed away from her and started filling the bowl with water but I just couldn't do it. My nerves was kicking in and I was just really afraid of touching her. I don't know... maybe I just watched too many horror movies but I imagined her grabbing me and opening her eyes if I touch her and that really crept me out. She was 'deathly pale' (now I actually know what that looks like and not just imagine it) and cold.

It was just really unnerving to see a person you've seen breathing in the morning, dead. So, it was to my relief when the nurse said that I didn't have to do that anymore as the relatives didn't want to see the body. So what I did was, I cleaned her mouth up a bit and bolted out of the room. I later on went in to help the nurses clean her up and I was fine since there were more people in the room. I just couldn't do it alone since I'm such a scaredy cat.

After finishing my shift, I went home and organised my letters and posted another evidence to student finance. So, that's it really. I'd like to ask you guys to pray for the soul of the lady who died today and her family who was left behind. May she rest in peace.

-S

... ~ :/

2011-03-24T19:12:00.002Z

The initial burst of happiness has ebbed away and the anxiety and fear starts to creep in. It wasn't that I am reluctant to accept and do the job but I am nervous of the oncoming storm of blunders. It's like the first day of school all over again, except a wrong move on my side may lead to people hurting more than they already are.

Work Days are back!!

2011-03-24T13:52:00.002Z

After all the training and all the waiting I can finally work and officially start! Yehey!!!! :D

As you can probably tell, I am very very very hyper right now. I'm practically in cloud nine. I just got a call from the office telling me that I could now book shift for work! So yeah! *pumps fist up in the air*

I'll be starting this Monday from 1:30 pm to 9:30 pm. And heck! I'm looking forward to it. :)

So, Thank you! Thank you Lord for this wonderful blessing! ^^

min min ninja

2011-03-13T22:47:00.003Z

"min min... min min..." muttered the ninja at my side imitating the sound of the cicadas and trying to be a part of the wall- but failing miserably. He would have splendidly camouflaged himself if only the paper he's hiding behind is held rightly upward, as is the pattern of the wall behind him.

I looked at him oddly and shook my head in resignation. The poor boy was doing his best to 'conceal' himself from me, so the least I could do was to humour him and pretend that he is not in the room. I knew he was here to spy - again - but really this is getting ridiculous. I sighed at his antics and walked purposefully to my desk and tackled the mountain of paperworks.

I would have continued signing and reading the multitude of report on my desk if I hadn't sensed some movement around me. I was quickly reminded of the person 'hiding' in my office and glanced to my left. The paper wasn't as high as they were earlier and the top of his head are peaking out, I placed my glasses down and pinched the bridge of my nose. The room has gotten darker and I noted that the sky had turned from a nice sky blue to a reddish-yellow. I looked back at the deformed part of the wall, "I'm sorry, I had completely lost track of the time. Your arms must be hurting."

The paper straightened all of the sudden -stubborn mule. I stood up from my chair and stretched out grabbing my sword and hitching it on my belt. I made my way to the door and sighed heavily, "Aa~ I really wanted to see my brother today... now I wonder where he'd been all morning and to think I was looking forward at giving him something."

I heard him gasp behind his paper from his 'hiding' place and I smirked. I turned the door handle and stepped out of the corridor and soon enough a little ninja caught up to me and hugged me from behind. "Brother!"

Rant Post (Or maybe not?)

2011-03-01T01:48:00.004Z

Somehow, I feel that I'm such a crappy writer and I'm just not good (writing aside).

It must be the feeling of being down talking, but I can't deny that somewhere in my mind, I really do think that. My composition are littered with grammatical mistakes, scattered ideas, uncertain tenses, and use of awkward and out-of-place words. It's a mess isn't it?

I'm probably just annoyed, tired and sleep deprived right now so I guess that's why I'm falling down deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole but really the question that should be asked is "Do I want to get out of this hole?"

The answer is Yes and No.

Yes, because it's pathetic to drive myself to depression and retreat to my own world. It is not good to encourage my introvert self and let it take over. I don't want to end up being a hikikomori after all. Of course, I shouldn't let my self esteem and self confidence go down the drain either - that would be a waste. I am also sure, my family and friends won't appreciate my withdrawal and along with it my change of attitude.
No, because although it feels like I am going insane if I stay any longer here, it is - believe it or not, rather nice. I'm not saying that I enjoy the idea of myself walking on the border of insanity. It's just I'd like to stay here just for a while more to look at myself and have some time alone. But don't worry, I know my limits and I'll be sure to step back when the ground is about to crumble.

But really, I haven't exactly fell into the deepest pit of the rabbit hole...I can still easily pull myself out of it really and I probably should do that ASAP. *sigh* And this is a rant post. I'm sure if I get some sleep I'd be back to myself by tomorrow so please just ignore this. (Anyway, Is this really a rant? or just an emo post? But I'm not really emotional right now... actually I'm rather calm? If you could see my face it's probably like this: ( -_-). Hmmm... I'm rambling. Ok. This is really it for tonight. I'll really be going to sleep. :P)

A midnight scribble?!

2011-03-01T01:07:00.005Z

(Well it's past midnight actually but who cares about such a trivial thing!)

I am feeling rather down right now and I don't exactly know why... I would, if I could, try and look for what exactly it is that is bothering me and keep myself busy contemplating about it for hours but that would unfortunately, lead me to nowhere - so I'd rather not do that. I have also been suffering from this wretched cough and I think it's affected my tonsils - they're hurting right now. I've been drinking all kinds of medicine but I'll be sticking with just one from now on and I've been told that I should hydrate myself as much as possible. So, I will do just that. I shall drink a lot of water starting tomorrow... I just really want to get rid of this cough and cold as soon as possible. I've already had enough! It's already been two weeks and, I'm pretty sure you'd agree with me on this, it is such an inconvenience. It's affecting my plans, as I cannot go out or work when my body decides that the earth's gravity is suddenly higher than it usually is and won't let me get out of bed.

Anywhos... scribbles are meant to be short, so I'll be ending this here. I also should go to sleep now as I really shouldn't be staying up late... but you know how my body clock is messed up and how I cannot sleep earlier than this time because my body just doesn't work that way and would not let me sleep no matter how long I lay in bed with my eyes closed. haha. So, with that. Goodnight! :)

It's one of those days

2011-02-16T20:45:00.002Z

Yep. Definitely one of those days. :D

haha. You've probably have no idea what I'm talking about do you? Well... those days are the days where I have the house to myself. So what do I do during those days? hmmm... a lot of things. :P

If I'm feeling productive, I'll write. Peckish, I'll cook. Out of my mind, I'll clean. Bored, I'll lie down. Spontaneous, I'll go out and have a walk. But usually, I have a movie marathon and today, I did just that. I got up, had my breakfast, took my blanket from my room, opened the TV at the living room and sat down with a cup of tea and a tissue roll by my side. Why a tissue roll? Because myself have the double C. Yes, the double C. I've got the cough and cold. Thus, I've no idea how I'm gonna make it through tomorrow, since, I've got volunteering in the morning and tutoring in the afternoon. Kinda busy sched for a sick person to get through.

Anywho, I'm planning to stay in my room and read a book called 'Naked Empire' by Terry Goodkind.

Ciao :D

Facing You

2011-02-13T12:30:00.001Z

I want to face you

with a pure longing

and not out of pretense.

I want to talk to you

not because I need to,

but because I want to.

And I want to love you

not because I have to,

but because I truly do.

The chatterbox is back! Catch up! Catch up! Catch up~ ! :3

2011-02-04T23:45:00.004Z

Hello my dears!

A lot of things have happened since my last blog post. One of them is that I finally started my volunteering in Southend Hospital as a Hospital guide! *happy dance* haha. And so far, so good. I've been enjoying all of the days I have my volunteering and it's nice to talk to a lot of people. Hearing them say 'thank you' to me when I bring them to the right place makes my heart swell with joy. I'm glad that I'm helping them and take their tension off somehow by my nonsense chatter. lol.

And here's the biggest thing that happened this past week. I have a job now!! Praise God!!! I attended the interview for Bank HCA in the hospital Friday last week and got my letter of acceptance today. I'm so happy and I feel so blessed. It's amazing how God works :3

There are other things but that's not so important. How are you guys? I hope you've all been well. ^^

Ciao!

---------------------------------
"Happiness depends upon ourselves."
- Aristotle

Hunger.

2011-01-28T00:45:00.003Z

Mood swings seems to be the trend nowadays... one minute you feel like you're so happy that you're at the top of the world and the next minute you're down in the deepest depth of the ocean where it's all dark and everything is murky.

And this post probably doesn't make any sense at all so please by all means ignore it. ¬_¬

Temptation

2011-01-22T13:49:00.001Z

Mary, my Mother, your love for us could not be greater or more powerful. You are rich in love and your power brings us relief You want everyone to be saved. I beg you therefore, protect me in temptation and strengthen me when I weaken. I struggle daily to be faithful to Jesus your son. Help me my Mother at every moment. But above all take me by the hand when you see that I am weakening and about to fall. I will have to battle with temptation till the day I die. My Lady, you are my hope, my refuge, my strength; never let me lose the grace of God. In every temptation I resolve to turn to you at once and pray. Mary Help me.

(St. Alphonsus)

22.49 A note to oneself.

2011-01-10T22:46:00.003Z

Stop living in the glories of the past

cause they are exactly that.

They're gone,

passed and never coming back.

No matter what you do,

no matter how much you wish,

you can't live in the past.

That's what the present is for.

Start living it.

It's a waste not to.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T16:21:00.006Z

A new year has been dawned upon us again, so let us rejoice and feel glad. Brace yourselves and face it with courage, pray that we would get through this year safe and all the more loved and blessed.

*nosebleed* hahaha.

My loves! May you all have a bountiful and a successful year ahead! Thank you 2010 for all the ups and downs, for the things we've learnt and experienced and for all the wonderful blessings that you have brought with you. Let us welcome 2011 with a smile and a kind heart. Let us leave behind our regrets and forgive those who have done us wrong for it's a new start for everyone of us, a new beginning, a new page. Your 2011 story is yet to be written and you have the power to make it a successful one for the pen is in your hands and the paper is already laid out for you.

My endless love and gratitude to everyone who have touched my life (one way or another), to those I've met (brief or not), to my family and to God. Without you I won't be who I am today and I'm looking forward to being with you guys for this year and more. :)

Love you guys! Be blessed! Keep looking forward! Think positive and remember that God will always be there for you throughout this year and forever.

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Happiness and sadness is a choice.

Merry Christmas!!!

2010-12-25T14:27:00.002Z

Wishing you all a very happy and warm Christmas!

God Bless everyone!

Heartland - I Loved Her First

2010-12-12T07:59:00.004Z

This song shall be in my wedding!

To my dad:

You will always be the number one man whom I look up to,

no matter what they say, you are the best father anyone could ever have.

And I thank God for giving you and mama to me.

I'm so so blessed!

Love love you so much! :)

---------------------------------
Of all the good parents I know, I can't think of one who doesn't love their children more than they are loved back.
-Rick Beneteau

Love and Time

2010-11-07T01:40:00.001Z

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others, including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all constructed boats and left. Except for Love.

Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to hold out until the last possible moment.

When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help.

Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said,
"Richness, can you take me with you?"
Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel. "Vanity, please help me!"
"I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked, "Sadness, let me go with you."
"Oh . . . Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"

Happiness passed by Love, too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her.

Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come, Love, I will take you." It was an elder. So blessed and overjoyed, Love even forgot to ask the elder where they were going. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Realizing how much was owed the elder,

Love asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who Helped me?"
"It was Time," Knowledge answered.
"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"
Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how valuable Love is."

Taken from: www.indianchild.com

re-post from: Zaene

Backlogs on blog entries

2010-11-02T22:18:00.002Z

NOoooooo!

My blog works are piling up! :O!!!

Don't worry, I still haven't forgotten about the Birmingham trip but now I have another one to add to that list! I just got back from a 1 week trip to Newcastle/Durham yesterday and I guess that needs some attention as well...

hmmm.... so what shall I do? @.@

Hello!

2010-10-12T19:36:00.005+01:00

This is a birthday special post! Why? Well, because it's my birthday :P

Anywho, I was planning on writing about the recent Birmingham trip with my family and today's day but I'm really tired, and I can barely make my eyes stay open so I thought I'd do it tomorrow instead. :P

I just really wanted to post something for today to commemorate myself turning a year older. haha.

Ciao!

-----------------------------
"And in the end, it is not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
-Abraham Lincoln

Stand Up! Make A Change!

2010-10-11T13:14:00.004+01:00

"I am only one but I am one. I cannot do everything but I can do something. What I can do, I ought to do. And with the grace of God, I will do it."

-Quote by Helen Keller, quoted from Prof Monsod

5 things I usually do on the net:

2010-09-13T11:26:00.003+01:00

1. Check facebook

2. Check emails

3. Read manga

4. Browse Youtube

5. Go on OMGPOP.

------------------------------
Cyberspace: A consensual hallucination experienced daily by billions of legitimate operators, in every nation.
-William Gibson

Perfect Two (Acoustic Version) - Auburn

2010-08-25T22:54:00.003+01:00

Perfect Two

Written by: Auburn

Produced by: Jonathan "J.R" Rotem

Chords by Jonathan Keys

Lyrics:

Verse1

You can be the peanut butter to my jelly.

You can be the butterflies i feel in my belly.

You can can be the captain

and i can be your first mate.

You can be the chills that i feel on our first date.

You can be the hero

and i can be your side kick.

You can be the tear

that i cry if we ever split.

You can be the rain from the cloud when its storming'

or u can be the sun when it shines in the morning'.

B section

Don't know if i could ever be

Without you cause boy you complete me.

And in time i know that we'll both see

that we're all we need.

Cause your the apple to my pie.

Your the straw to my berry.

Your the smoke to my high.

And your the one i wanna marry.

Chorus

Cause your the one for me (for me)

and I'm the one for you (for u)

You take the both of us (of us)

And were the Perfect Two.

Were the perfect two.

Baby me and you,

were the Perfect Two.

Verse 2

You can be the prince and i can be your princess.

You can be the sweet tooth i can be the dentist.

You can be the shoes and i can be the laces.

You can be the heart that i spill on the pages.

You can be the vodka and i can be the chaser.

You can be the pencil and i can be the paper.

You can be as cold as the winter weather,

but i don't care as long as were together.

B section

Don't know if i could ever be

Without you cause boy you complete me.

And in time i know that we'll both see

that we're all we need.

Cause your the apple to my pie.

Your the straw to my berry.

Your the smoke to my high.

And your the one i wanna marry.

Chorus

Cause your the one for me (for me)

and I'm the one for you (for u)

You take the both of us (of us)

And were the Perfect Two.

Were the perfect two.

Baby me and you,

were the Perfect Two.

Bridge

You know that ill never doubt ya'.

And you know that i think about ya'.

And you know i cant live without ya'

I love the way that u smile.

And maybe in just a while

i can see me walk down the aisle.

Chorus

Cause your the one for me (for me)

and I'm the one for you (for u)

You take the both of us (of us)

And were the Perfect Two.

Were the perfect two.

Baby me and you,

were the Perfect Two.

-Auburn.

I'm Back!!!

2010-08-24T00:15:00.003+01:00

Wow! I feel so blessed to be able to attend the YFC camp :)

Thank you Lord! You gave me such an amazing experience! The camp gave me a new outlook on life. It opened my eyes to our Lord's graciousness and love. Everyone there was wonderful and kind and very close to each other. Yay! It was fun! (lol... I'm too sleepy to think of anything right now. XD)

Thank you Lord for giving me a new family and for that may God be praised! :D

God is good! All the time!
All the time! God is good!
God is where? Everywhere!
Everywhere! God is there!

Going around Southend.

2010-08-17T22:40:00.006+01:00

I had a meeting today with an employee of the organization that I want to volunteer in and I ended up cycling around Southend and being lost somewhere along the way. I finally appreciate the GPS ability of my phone! Without it I would have been wondering around for hours somewhere. haha.

Hmmm... so to make it easier here's a map (courtesy of google maps and CS2):

The starting point was my house at 1:00 pm, but my house is a secret so let's start at Point A, which is the high street. I then cycled to Point B (The Southend Leisure and Tennis Centre) where I met up with Ms T to talk about the tales of being a volunteer and all that jazz. After my meeting with Ms T, I went to the nearby Mc Donalds to eat :)

I opted for a slightly healthier option which was the Chicken supreme burger w/ a lot of lettuce. I wasn't able to finish the whole meal so I asked a kind employee for a take away bag. When I have had enough rest, I wondered if I should go back the way I came from or take the long way down Hamstel Road (the road highlighted in blue after Eastern Ave) and Southchurch Road. I never thought I'd ended up all the way down the seafront. Haha.

Since it was already around 4:00 pm when I arrived at the seafront, I called my Mom to check what time she'll get out off work. She told me she'll kick off at 5:00 pm so I decided to wait for her. I sat on the beach and finished my burger meal slowly and lingered in the Highstreet for a while to pass the time. I met up with her back at point A and I finally got home at around 7:00 pm.

Total Distance travelled: 9.4 Km :)

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Don't let riches - or the pursuit of riches - derail your pursuit of Jesus.
- Our Daily Bread

Delta Force Paintball

2010-08-12T15:47:00.002+01:00

Last Tuesday I went paintballing together with my sister and our friends. I was actually in a bad mood that morning due to lack of sleep and well, I had a bit of argument with my sister, as we always do. haha. I did invite some of my own friends but they declined (boo! :P).

Anyway, we arrived in Billericay at around 9:10 am. From what 'Te B said, the paintballing venue should be around 10 minutes walk, that of course is a big lie. Delta Force Paintball centre is more than 10 minutes walk from Billericay train station it was in fact, more than 30 minutes away. While walking we actually thought that we were lost since we've been walking for ages and there seemed to be no sign of it. We asked lots of kind people on the way and they all gave us the same answer, "Walk straight ahead. When you see a water tower, then you're there."

When we finally saw the water tower after a lot of walking we were overjoyed. We actually ran towards it. We arrived late, as you may have guessed and ended up missing the first round.

Oh yea, I must say that the weather that day wasn't the optimum weather to go paintballing as it made the forest ground all muddy and wet. Due to the difference in temperature our breath condensed and fogged our goggles. I basically couldn't see anything after the first half of a game - there was also that rule that one must not remove their goggles when inside the map, breaking this rule would mean being banned from playing the whole day and so, I couldn't do anything about it. It was a good thing that the sky cleared up during the afternoon games, it made it easier to play without worrying about the goggles getting foggy.

Upon our arrival, the paintball staff gave us a small briefing on the rules, the equipments etc etc. and divided us into two groups: Red and Blue. I was in the Red group. The Reds are made up of 5 girls and 2 boys while the Blues are made up of 5 boys and 3 girls. The other people already playing in the first map was also divided into two team: Red and Blue. For the rest of the day, all the reds combined and all the blues combined to battle each other out. At first, I was a bit lost as to what to do. I knew how to shoot but I had no idea where I should go, I ended up shooting blindly and getting eliminated right away. Being hit wasn't as painful as I thought but then I guess it is painful when you get shot within 3 metres... my sister's bruise was a good example of that. By the way, the first game was won by the Blue team. They were able to get our flag and managed to kill us all off. >.>

We were given a 10 minutes break to clean our foggy goggles and the paint off our helmets. The break also allowed us to refill our guns. The second map was that off a castle. The objectives of the game was for the defender to not let the attacking team to raise the flag at the side of the castle. Three metres rule still apply so when someone is raising the flag the defender is not allowed to shoot him inside the castle unless, he/she is three metres away from him. The attackers have infinite lives so they can resurrect and re-spawn at their base when they get hit. Our team was the first to defend the castle but due to our own miscommunication and due to the expertise of this old man the Blue team managed to raise our flag within two minutes and forty seconds. We managed to raise the Blue team's flag within seven minutes when we became the attacking team. I know, they pretty much pawned us. >_<

The next map was filled with stacked barrels scattered around the place. This time, it was titled 'The Death Match'. The objective was to annihilate the opposing team. All the rules still apply so no one is allowed to shoot each other when they are on the opposite sides of the same barrel. You either stay there or move three metres apart and shoot each other. I was eliminated really quick at the start of the first round so all I was able to do was to watch at the sidelines, that meant I had a lot of ammo left so I was able to join in the second round. We were joined by one of the staff (the manager) for whatever reason, (I've got a feeling since we were loosing...) and he gave us some instructions. Before I knew it, I was in the front lines and everyone was targeting me. I held on pretty long, and I'd like to think I shot some of them, I died when I was hit on my fingers (that hurt a lot!). In the end, Red lost and Blue won. But we did get some extra points because I held on long enough alone in the front lines -Bless the marshal for giving me those points! :)

After that, we had a break to do our stuff and we went on to the 5th map. The map was made up of fallen trees and 5 huts. It was an imitation of a primitive village basically. The objective of this round was to capture all of the huts. In order to do this, a member of a team must be inside the house at the end of the game. Each captured hut will earn the team 2 points. At this point in the game, I didn't have much ammo... I think I only had less than 10 ammo then. Our team started out at the eastern part of the map while the blue team started out at the opposite end. When the marshal shouted start, I headed to one of the huts and hid in the corner making sure I had a good view of my attackers. I had my gun poised at the side of the door ready to shoot anyone who came near my hut. I made sure not to shoot unnecessarily to conserve my bullet. There was some Blue that came close but their hiding place didn't exactly cover them well so I was able to shoot them and defend my hut. Having eliminated all Blues and capturing all the huts, Red ended up winning this map.

They gave us 30 minutes to eat our lunch and afterwards started the last 'official' game. We didn't participate in this game as we ran out of ammo. When the other players came back, the marshals announced the winners of the day, which are the Blue team (pretty obvious wasn't it?).

We bought some more paint ball for the last game which is pretty much a game off 'shoot all you want till you ran out of ammo'. The objective was to kill the general of the opposing team and retrieve his jacket. So, the end was basically a free war. We shot endlessly and we died endlessly. Neither of the generals was killed so no one won this round but it was a fun way to end our day. :)

The musings of a sleep deprived.

2010-08-10T03:00:00.001+01:00

I've been reading a story called Vampire Girl and it centred about this two lovers who kept killing each other every time they're reincarnated. No one actually know who first killed who even till the end. And so, their reincarnation kills each other for revenge every time they're reincarnated, although they actually love each other. It's an endless cycle that would never be stopped unless, the 'child' stopped playing with the ball or the 'child gets killed. The child being their creator and the ball being the two of them, the so-called 'failure'.

There was more to the story than just killing and their tragic fate and now it made me think. If, reincarnations are true and if, the present are atoning for their past selves' mistake, just like in the story, then what am I atoning for? What is my purpose for being here?

It would also be interesting to see what I am in my past life, was a human? an animal? a plant, maybe? Making all these questions and pondering about them can take me many days and I still wouldn't come up with any answers... but maybe, it's better that way? Not knowing about my past might be better than burdening myself with the weight of knowing my deeds and answering and pondering about these endless questions.

All this, however, are just fleeting thoughts that my mind conjured due to lack of sleep. So if you would, please, treat this as some random ramblings from a stranger you've passed on the streets.

"In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth."
- Mahatma Gandhi

Bye One Manga!

2010-07-22T19:39:00.004+01:00

Due to this news: http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/news/2010-06-08/u.s-japanese-publishers-unite-against-manga-scan-sites

I might be reverting back to my old ways. OneManga and mangatoshokan has alread closed down or removed manga from their sites and Manga Fox will prolly follow soon, so I'm afraid I have to find some other reading site or download the updates directly from the scanlators.

I thank One Manga and mangatoshokan for all the efforts they've put in making it easy for us to read free manga so far. It's sad to see them go but everything has an end and maybe it's time for me to start buying manga? or maybe cut down on my reading? (NuoooOO!)

I'm not opposed to what the Japanese publishers are doing since the manga industry is business and money is important. What they are doing is their right so can't do anything about that. I'm just sad. haha.

*I'll write more about this sometime later when I have the time but for now, tata. :)

A scribble! D:

2010-07-07T23:42:00.002+01:00

Um, yes. It's a scribble so it'll be short. haha.

In the morning, I went with my Mom to Sports Direct near the airport which is quite a loooong way away from my house. I was also stupid enough to cycle up a really steep hill twice today when I could've happily walk up with my bike. In the afternoon, I met up with my sister for Ate I's birthday bash (I was still using my bike). We quickly bought her a gift and proceeded to watch Shrek: Happily ever after. Afterwards, we ate in Nando's. One thing I didn't like in Nando's was the smell at the stairs to the comfort room - it wasn't unpleasant, it actually smelt kinda sweet but it reminded me of the scent of the flowers in a funeral. Anyways, after that we walked down the seafront to the Billiards/Bowling Alley (my friend borrowed my bike hence why I was walking) and then I went home with my sis after we reached the Billiards/Bowling Alley because of our curfew.

So after all the cycling I did today my thigh muscles finally said 'enough' and are now painfully protesting.

What kind of blog should I make?

2010-07-04T20:27:00.005+01:00

Four years ago, I was but an innocent brat who didn't know a thing about what a blog is and what kind of things you write on it (I guess that really didn't change but I don't think you could call me 'innocent brat' now). Back in those days, I was really hooked on anime mainly because I had too much time on my hands due to my 5 month long vacation off school and because of my new found easy accessibility to the internet. It wasn't really much, it all began when my curiosity grew and I branched out from using just one anime site to about 10? Then I became greedy and I started wanting to watch more anime and read manga. That was when I stumbled across the magical site LiveJournal.com where you can find everything!

I made an account on LJ and that was my first 'blog' account. I didn't write anything just said a few lines for my first post and soon after became a lurker. That time I thought, "why not make an anime blog since I love anime anyway?" and so, I tried to write a review about the animes I've watched. After a while, I read my journal and its entries and I realized "Man, this is just torture!". Sadly, my blog entries were so bad I couldn't stand reading it again - of course, I deleted them.

During the time that I was blogging using LJ, Frienster introduced a blog feature for their users (which I am). I then tried writing on it, still without any kind of focus. Naturally, my Friendster blog became a mess (still is). It became a mixture of my boring posts about my life, anime and anything really. Then I decided to write stories. My first and last composition that I published on Friendster was about this genius girl who went back to her home county to experience a 'normal' high school life -I soon deleted it to save others from keeling over due to my bad grammar.

I stumbled upon blogger two years after. I knew I have no talent whatsoever in reviewing an anime or manga so I decided to give up on the 'anime blog' (I also became inactive in the anime/manga community during those times so I wouldn't have anything to blog anyway). I then asked myself, 'what now?' I looked through different blogs to get an idea of what kind of blog this would be and I decided 'why not make it an ordinary blog?'. So I did! And here it is now. I know my grammar's still not good, but hey, I did improve during these past few years (I'll be damned if I didn't!). I do still write about the animes I've watched, the things I read and the stories I write but they are not the main focus of my blog. This time my blog is about me and I'll keep it that way :)

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Confusion is a word we have invented for an order which is not understood.
- Henry Miller

Credit: Permanent Transition for the image

BETAMAX - Sandwich (Official Music Video)

2010-06-25T21:16:00.002+01:00

Naalala mo ba? Noong tayo'y bata pa, walang iniisip kundi maglaro.

Patintero,

Luksong baka,

Tumbang Preso,

Sunugang bahay,

Nanay Tatay,

Luksong Tinik,

Ice, Ice, water...

Pagkabalik sa eskwela, ibaba ang bag, magpalit ng pambahay at dumeretso sa labas hanggang lumubog ang araw.

Langit Lupa,

Tagu-taguan,

Piko,

Tatsing,

Holen,

Teks,

Sungka...

Madami akong larong kinagisnan at kinalakihan, ilan dito ay mga imbentong laro na hindi ko na matandaan.

Dos sennario Piks,

Luksong Lubid,

Ten Twenty,

A B C,

Pepsi Cola Stop,

Doctor Quack Quack,

Bukaka Bukakang Palaka.

Hindi ba't nakakamiss ang ating kabataan? Lalo't lalo na ngayong tayo'y nasa edad na halos lahat ng ating oras ay ginugugol sa eskwelahan o sa tapat ng computers. Masarap magbalik tanaw sa nakaraan ngunit mahirap tanggapin na sadyang may mga bagay na hindi na maibabalik.

(Titigil na ako... nakaka-nosebleed ito. Hindi ko na kaya... haha. Ang hirap!)

A Prank To Show I Love You

2010-06-23T17:32:00.002+01:00

I was bored so I decided to play a prank on my boyfriend.

“Hey, is there anything wrong?” He asked as he plopped down on the ground next to me.

“No.” He glanced at me thinking of the possible things he had done. We’ve only been going out for a few weeks so he’s still uncertain of my moods.

“Um... are you okay?”

“Yes.”

He fidgeted next to me while I sipped my juice. “Are you mad at me?”

“No.”

He looked at me, “Is that any good?”

“Yes.”

His eyebrows slightly scrunched up and he scratched the back of his head. “Did I do anything wrong?”

I continued to look in front of me and pretended to be stoic. “No.”

Again, he furrowed his eyebrows deeper and became more worried. I resisted the urge to smile. “Is this about the dinner?”

Ah, the dinner. He said yes to his friends’ invitation of a dinner with us, without asking me if I’m free to go or not. I ended up cancelling all my business appointments that afternoon and losing a bit of money, just to go – I never told him that though. “No.”

“Are you... perhaps... tired of me?” He concluded, looking at me like a puppy that is just about to be abandoned.

I slowly stood up and brushed my jeans. I resisted the urge to laugh. How can he even think of that after the things that I went through to get him to love me like right now. I’m just happy that in this moment he’s not thinking of anything but me. Right now his mind is full of me. “No.” I finally said before he gets angry and storm off.

“Then what-“

I extended my hands to help him stand up and smiled. “I love you.”

--------------------------------------

A/N: This is not from my experience in case you are wondering. :P

-S

Brighton day out and tagging to London

2010-06-23T11:34:00.004+01:00

What a busy week eh?

This Sunday I went with my family and other friends to Brighton to have a look around, surprisingly the London-Brighton cycling marathon by the British Heart Foundation also happened that day (It was actually planned by the Keymed people so that those who joined the marathon can come back in the coach with us. XD)

Well, moving on, I was woken up at 6 am that Sunday to prepare for our trip to Brighton. My mistake was, I was up till 2 am the night before so I really didn't get much sleep. Naturally, I was out of it when I woke up. Haha. Afterwards, we were picked up by Kuya Nat at 8 am and he drove us to the Keymed building where the coach is.

We arrived at Brighton at around 12 o'clock pm and everyone decided to have lunch first at the beach. My mom packed us rice and a lovely spicey prawn dish which I have no idea of its name :P. It was basically a picnic, everyone brought something and we all shared it. After eating we took loads of pictures. I decided to be an idiot and walk down the beach without my sandals - that totally hurt my feet! Damn those pebbles and shells! Good thing they weren't sharp or I wouldn't have been able to enjoy myself the whole afternoon. :P

We then walked to the Royal Pavillion and the museum in the park where we took a lot of pictures (yet again). I wanted to go in the Royal Pavillion but we had a lot of company and I didn't want to go on my own so I decided to restrain myself and just admire the building from the outside. We did go in the Museum so I was fine. LOL.

Then we walked to the High street to look at the shops. I ended up buying two new bracelets as souvenirs. The place was right next to the University of Brighton so I really wasn't surprised to see so many young adults milling around the place. When everyone was happy seeing and buying things in the High street we went back to the beach to go to the Brighton Pier. Before going in though, the glutton that I am bought some fish and chips to eat while walking. (This also involved taking a lot of pictures). After finishing my fish and chips we decided to buy some baby lobsters to eat on the way to end of the Pier.

Me and my sis also really wanted to have a henna tattoo but my dad said it was a waste of money and didn't allow us too (Booo!) so we didn't get one. :( At the end of the pier was like a theme park, there were various rides. Me and my sister rode on the carousel (just for fun!), the Horror mansion and the whole gang went to play on the bumper cars.

At 4:45 pm we headed back to the meeting place to be picked up by the coach. There were two coaches and our coach was delayed because some people who joined the marathon are still 'missing' -LOLs. We found them in the end so we left Brighton at around 6 pm. On the way home lady luck just wasn't with us because we took the wrong turn and ended up being lost. We had to turn around and go back. Haha. I slept all the way back to Southend afterwards - I was smashed!

Monday was a rest day so I ended up lazing around the house and sleeping all afternoon. Yesterday, me and my Mom went to London to meet up with her friends from Couples For Christ back in the Philippines but they migrated to Canada so now they're touring London and will depart for Paris tomorrow. To say the least, I just tagged along with my Mom and because there weren't any other 'young ones' around I just quietly followed them around. Haha. They basically talked and talked with each other while we were on the Tube, eating in the Chinese restaurant and walking. I took a few pictures of all of them but that was it. All I can really say is riding the tube during the rush hour and in summer is a killer - I was squashed by the people when I rode the central line. I was actually afraid of not being able to go out the train at my stop - Lols.

So that's my week so far. Today I'll start my revision for my exams on Friday, Monday and Tuesday so I won't have any time to play any more. :( But! There's only three more exams to go and afterwards it's finally the start of my looooong vacation! Yay! I can't wait! :)

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Life is meaningless only if we allow it to be. Each of us has the power to give life meaning, to make our time, our bodies and our words to into instruments of love and hope.
-Tom Head

This Month's Schedule

2010-06-12T21:43:00.005+01:00

June Exam Schedule:

~~07/06/10, Monday- Citizenship (am)~~

- F322 Chemistry(am)
08/06/10, Tuesday~~-English(am)~~
- F312 Biology(am)
09/06/10, Wednesday~~- C4 Mathematics (pm)~~
10/06/10, Thursday~~- English (Media) (pm)~~
11/06/10, Friday ~~-C3 Mathematics (am)~~

15/06/10, Tuesday- M2 Mathematics (am)

16/06/10 , Wednesday- F215 Biology (am)

17/06/10, Thursday- F325 Chemistry (pm)

18/06/10, Friday- G495 Physics B (am)

25/06/10, Friday- F214 Biology (am)

28/06/10, Monday- F324 Chemistry (am)

29/06/10, Tuesday- G494 Physics B (pm)

Then at the 30th I'm going to my potential university, SGUL, for an open day to have a look around. After this I'm going to be free for a year for my gap year :)

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Cast your cares upon the Lord, for he cares about you
-I Peter 5:7

Come home my heart and don't stray

2010-06-10T09:56:00.001+01:00

Come Home Running
by Chris Tomlin

Oh heart of mine, why must you stray?
From one so fair you run away
And one more time you have to pay
The heaviness of needless shame

Oh heart of mine, come back home
You've been too long out on your own
And He's been there all along
Watching for you down the road

So come home running
His arms are open wide
His name is Jesus
He understands
He is the answer
You are looking for
So come home running
Just as you are

Oh child of God so dearly loved
And ransomed by the Savior's blood
And called by name, daughter and son
Wrapped in the robe of righteousness

New Theme!

2010-06-08T23:08:00.003+01:00

Hey you!

I just thought I'd change the layout of my blog. I was bored with the previous theme but really I'm just trying not to revise my maths. :P

This layout is simpler and have lighter colours than the other one. I was compelled to learn how to add pages to my blog because it's such a shame if I don't use the tabs included in my template, right?

I also found this really cute clock widget with this adorable sheep from clock link! (You can see it on my sidebar on the right!). I'm still in search of cool widgets to add to my blog but I should prolly stop buying time and just get on with what I'm supposed to be doing.

With that I shall leave :P

Saz

The return of the procrastinator

2010-06-07T20:44:00.002+01:00

I'm wasting too much time. I feel like biology is too boring (imagines my teachers' reaction to such a blasphemous comment. LOL). Hehe. I'm just too lazy to revise but I've got no choice but to do it or else I'll waste the money I paid to sit this exam. tsk tsk.

Anyway, enough of this laziness! I better work my brains out in memorizing these biological terms and concepts before I decide to sleep and write some angsty stuff on FML.

Keep it up guys we can do this!

Good luck to all of us!

God Bless!

Tata,

Saz

xoxo

Of contemplation and moving on.

2010-05-26T22:00:00.004+01:00

What would you say about your life so far?

If someone asks you that question what would you say? Would you feed them with lies and beautified words? Would you be honest and say what you truly feel?

Or would you be one of the people who have no inkling of what to say?

Me? I would probably be a mix of the latter and the middle. I have got no idea of what to say but then I would later spend hours trying to figure out the answer to that question. I have a lot of regrets and I long for what was. I am baffled by my current self and to say the least I am displeased and pleased of how I am. I know I'm clinging to the past, so much so it's starting to cloud my judgement of what I should and should not be doing. It is one thing to acknowledge the facts but it is another to take a step towards change.

So, how is your life so far?

My life so far was a smooth sail with a few small bumps but at the moment I'm in a standstill. Unable to move on.

~S.

To the me one year from now.

2010-05-02T19:08:00.002+01:00

I recently mailed the future me and I set it to send it to me a year from now. It's nothing much actually, just telling myself what I found. LOL.

I think it's really great. I mean now, I can just jot down everything I might forget a year from now and send it to myself in the future. It's really like a time capsule - It's interesting and fun.

2010-04-29T23:34:00.001+01:00

I'm tired... really tired... very very tired.

huhu, I want to sleep but I'm not finished with my homework yet. T_T

aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

My brain's turning into a mush! :(

Of Google, lolicons, shotacons and manga sites

2010-04-25T13:31:00.004+01:00

There's a big unrest in the manga/anime community right now due to the loli and shotacon debate and it all started with this guy's blog:

http://l7world.com/2010/04/google-sponsors-child-pornography.html

I'm not a fan of loli and shotacon genres but there are some people who are and enjoys them. As a fellow manga/anime lover I don't see what's wrong with that. People have different interests and taste and they have the right to read or watch whatever they want. I think that the guy who wrote that blog is just blowing this whole thing out of proportion. There aren't any children being exploited by these mangas. These are simply figments of imagination by the mangaka that are represented visually on a piece of paper. Just because these people read mangas of these genre doesn't make them a paedophile or turn them into one. I mean just because I read manga that centre's on violence (e.g. killing people) doesn't turn me into a murderer. Now, if there was a case of a loli or shota otaku being arrested for underaged rape or something then that would certainly be of concern.

Due to this, Google sent out messages to the sites concerned and told them to take these contents down or they'll basically not going to be able to use Adsense which for some of these sites are the only way to pay their monthly domain fees. But to be honest, if Google is so concerned of this topic then they shouldn't just target manga and anime sites and cut off their means of sustaining their sites.

*sigh* Anyway I'm just being sore because some manga sites have taken down some series classified as mature, but doesn't go under the shota and loli umbrella, that I was following (kaichou wa maid-sama *cry* I want my manga fix!). Besides, I don't understand why they took them down since the mature genre covers a wide range of topics. I understand where Google is coming from though, they are a business and they just had to do what they had to. I'm also not blaming the manga sites, I understand they had to do that to survive - it just made it harder for those of us who actually follow some of the mangas taken down to get a hold of it but anyway... *sigh*

I'm out of energy...

Weekend Scribble 19

2010-04-24T22:16:00.003+01:00

scribbles at 4 am sure is something isn't it? haha.

And precisely because it's 4 am I have nothing to say but "I have to go to sleep!".

Eve scribbles?

2010-04-22T01:06:00.002+01:00

Sazzy's mood:

Excited

Sazzy's listening to:

A Drop In The Ocean by Ron Pope (on repeat! (^.~))

First I'll tell you the time right now, it's currently 1:10 am and I'm as attentive as I can be. LOL. I'm really giddy right now and I don't really know why and so I decided I should post something in my blog. haha. Like that'll quell the excitement in me, you know? But in truth, it's not helping one bit. XD

Yesterday, I was actually acting quite strange. It was like I was in school physically but my mind is elsewhere and as I explained it to my friend it was like I was drunk or was in drugs even though I wasn't. I felt light headed and it was like nothing is going in my head... how do I put it? It was like I was just there. Hehe. I can't explain it well.

Maybe I should try to get some sleep now even though I'm not sleepy at all.

-----------------------

"Accept the teaching of the world

And hopeless you will be,

But trust in God's eternal plan

If you want life that's free."

-Branon

Babbles of the rambling poet

2010-04-16T23:15:00.004+01:00

I'm here again in front of you

Typing like mad

and looking for answers that I can never find

What is it that compels me to you?

Evil.

That's what you are.

My very own snatcher of time.

The priest to be :)

2010-04-15T11:51:00.003+01:00

Hey people! Been a while hasn't it? Well, things happened and my free time was occupied by the usual things and my blog was forgotten. :P

Anyway, I was looking through Facebook and saw the birthday notifications for today. One of my batch mate and friend was on the list and so, naturally I clicked the link to greet him a happy birthday. To my surprise I found out as I was looking through his photos and profile that he's in a seminary to be a priest! :O

Well, he sure had that aura when we were still in high school but it still gave me a shock. Never thought that one of my mates are actually going to be a priest. LOL. Anyway, I'm really happy for him and hopes him the best in life. :)

Moving on, the long Easter break is finally going to end and I still haven't done any revision (>.>). Maybe you're thinking, here we go again... but no, for a change I'm actually going to start revising now. :P Hehe, Isn't that just sweet? XD

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"Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose."

- Tom Krause

Friday morning greetings

2010-02-12T00:54:00.002Z

Good morning!

Is what I wish to say but unfortunately it's not. It's already 1 am so technically it is already morning now but anyway it's not a good morning because I still haven't finished my coursework and my GAA coordinator is coming tomorrow and I've done no work.

Basically I'm screwed. Just like I always am.

On a happy note, tomorrow will be the last day of school and next week is half-term holiday. I plan to stay at home and sleep all week. With the exception of the Wednesday of that week because that's my essex interview. Which reminds me that I won't have time to dawdle around because I must do various research on my course so as to not sound like an idiot in the said interview.

That totally mess up my week's plan... sheez.

*sigh* Now all the things that I've got to catch up on comes rushing in my head and I'm finally realizing that I really don't have time to relax and sleep because I've got so much things to do... that is so sad.

Anyway, I have to wake up early tomorrow for the house assembly in school so I'm off.

Bye Bye!

2010-01-11T21:13:00.000Z

Is now reflecting on how stupid she is for not revising ages ago.

2010-01-09T22:17:00.003Z

One more day before my exams and still procrastinating.

Kill me now.

Wait... no, I didn't mean that. Please don't take it seriously I still got a lot of things to do in my life.

*sweat drops*

A reminder for the procrastinator

2009-12-28T00:06:00.003Z

Stop.

Think.

Be pressured.

Time is running out.

Remember the anxiety.

2 w and 6 e

STOP PROCRASTINATING!

Merry Christmas :)

2009-12-25T01:34:00.004Z

Christmas day, oh, Christmas day.

It's always a happy occasion - at least for me it is and I hope for you it is too. I wanted to do a blog entry at exactly 12 o'clock but alas, I fell asleep. I woke up a few minutes afterwards by some nudge and a lot of nagging from my mom and dad. haha.

I wish each and everyone of us a Merry, Merry Christmas. May you have a year full of happiness and good health. Let us be glad that our Lord is born and for the blessings he has given us for the past year. On that note, I would also like to thank everyone I know for being here.

Merry Christmas!/Happy Holidays!/Season's Greetings!

The fangirl going out of control

2009-12-20T00:52:00.005Z

Waaah! I don't know how to describe how happy and bubbly I am right now. Ren is just so beautiful, handsome, endearing, cool, sweet, hot, smexy and every adjective I could think of within that line of thought. Kyoko's just too oblivious and innocent for her and Ren's sake and I'm just so thrilled about what would happen between them! I place all the blame on Yoshiki-sensei for waking the fangirl sleeping inside of me. haha.

Now I'm so excited for my own good and my insomnia is not helping to calm myself down one bit! I practically want to shout for being so happy about the plot's development. lol. But before I scare you lot I shall disappear and quell this excitement. :P

Crown Prince Frederick of Denmark's speech to princess Mary Elizabeth

2009-11-30T20:32:00.003Z

I thought for my 100th post that I should put something that makes me smile every time I see it.

Frederik's speech to his bride

Translation: (thanks to: Frizzball86)

Dear Mary

In the year 2000 in Sydney, the 5 olympic rings united for the 25th time.

Australia to me was an unknown and unexplored continent,

that is symbolized in the fifth ring.

I found myself on unknown territory amongst happy and joyous strangers.

My only luggage at the time was my high expectations to my stay,

along with a certain amount of selfconfidence.

Nearly 200 years earlier, another Dane by the name Jørgen Jürgensen, had arrived

under different circumstances, but also with great expectations and self-confidence

But, he quickly left Sydney and sailed to Tasmania,

your country, a state in Australia.

Here he made himself a reputation, that ended up taking his life from him.

I was only 2 days old in Australia and our destiny was sealed.

Yet still unconscious to the both of us, but that ray you have about you,

shone clearly and sharply at me, ever since our first meeting.

Since then I've been blinded by it at and addicted to it.

Up until then my life had been a strive to create more independency

without limiting my space.

My opportunites were many, and my world often lonely...

But both continued to strengthen in time and space,

because curiosity and optimisim about the destiny drove me forward.

Then YOU travelled into my world, and since then many things have already happened.

Now there are two worlds, yes, probably even more.

It's those we now will be exploring together. Side by side.

In light and darkness. Summer, fall, winter, spring, always.

The joy and the strength you give me, is like the sun in the daytime,

that with its rays defeat all doubt and darkness.

Like the moon in the night you shine awake with a beautiful glow of mildness,

that take away the wickedness from the symbols of darkness

I often chose to see the light of a new day as a symbol of the rebirth of the untouched, inexperienced and innocent.

Maybe a bit naïve, but it's wonderful to pretend that everything starts a new.

A new world is born again, from the light of the new day.

This moment is you and me -- new together, young together, innocent together,

in love together...Just together...

You give me safety, joy and happiness.

I am close to bubbling over of curiosity about

what the closets and farthest away future will bring us,

and you will have the answers. But I will try to control my self,

because two questions have already been answered by the both of us with "I do".

Those are answers that will count for us for ever.

And if we need light in the search for our answers,

we only have to look up to the sky.

Therein eternity lies,

that can also show us the way that sometimes is hard to find.

I love you Mary. Come, let us go. Come, let us see.

Through a thousand worlds waits weightless love.

Your Majesties, Your Royal Highnesses.

May I ask all of you to rise, and along with me give a toast to my bride

Weekend Scribbles 18

2009-11-02T01:06:00.003Z

I'm a bit relieved that I have finally finished organizing my stuff for school today. I was actually a bit in a panic yesterday morning as it was my mom's birthday and I wasn't sure if I would have the time to fix my stuff and do some homework. Thank God I had time!

All I need to do now for my free times today are to organize my physics coursework and to revise a bit for rates of reaction for my chemistry test. :)

Anyways, it's 1 am and I'm sleepy so I'm off :D

Happy Birthday mama!

2009-11-01T01:57:00.002Z

Yes, I'm still up! LOL

This won't make any sense as my brain's practically dead. I'm just so happy I finally finished my PS even though it's nearly 2 am now.

A BIG HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MOM!!!

I LOVE YOU!!!

xxx

Sulat ni Tatay at Nanay

2009-10-22T17:37:00.003+01:00

Liham

research by Mae E.

video by Jap D.V.

This video made me cry within 15 seconds. It is one of the most beautiful videos I've ever watched. It instantly pulled at my heart-strings and after 4 minutes I was sobbing.

Nakakalungkot mang isipin, balang araw tatanda din ang mga magulang ko at darating at darating ang araw na sila'y yayao patungo sa ama. In watching this video, napagisip-isip ko kung gaano kaikli ang buhay. Na sa isang iglap pwedeng mawala sa'yo ang pinkamamahal mo. Habang naiyak ako, I can just imagine my mom and dad doing the things in the letter. Then, I came to realize kung paano ako umasal nung buhay pa si Lola.

It's true, the things in this video.

Noong buhay pa si Lola, I remember her nagging me all the time. Tapos, mai-irita ako kasi lagi siyang tawag ng tawag kahit na may ginagawa ako... She used to ask me whenever I go home from school to buy her some food sa karinderia and sometimes I'd go reluctantly. Now that I think about it... how much would I give to bring back those times. I never thought I still miss her this much. I was such a horrible granddaughter.... There was a time when my friend came over the house and nandun si Lola... she went inside the house and tanong siya ng tanong... hindi ko na maalala kung ano pero nainis ako... then i said something bad behind her back. heh. I remember my friend told me off because of it and I regretted ever blurting it out because I felt bad afterwards.... I could probably go on for days telling you everything I can remember about my Lola kasi hanggang ngayon malinaw pa sa alaala ko yoong mga araw na kasama ko siya.

I can still remember how she smells so nice every time I hug her...

How it feels to kiss and be kissed by her...

How her voice sounds...

How she used to take care of me...

How fragile she feels like whenever I hug her...

How she's so stubborn...

I can still remember everything about her.

I miss her to bits and I love her to bits :)

I know she's happy now... that was why it was easy to accept that she's finally left us to be with him in heaven.

Lola, mahal na mahal kita :D

-----------------------

Haha! I've got a mountain of tissue beside me! LOL

Weekend Scribbles 17

2009-10-18T23:41:00.002+01:00

Sazzy's mood: blank

Sazzy's listening to: nothing.

Hi everyone!

I know I made such a long post this morning but I don't want to miss a weekend scribbles! This is gonna be short. I just want to tell you guys what I did this weekend.

So basically, this Saturday I had a day out with the girls to celebrate me and emma's 18th birthdays :)

We had loads of fun (or atleast I did) eating in pizza express and playing around in the arcades. haha. I didn't do much this Sunday so I'm sure this week's going to be another super busy week for me.

_____________________

If you make it plain you like people, it is hard for them to resist liking you back.

-Lois McMaster Bujold

Naughty girl :P

2009-10-18T12:54:00.003+01:00

I'm supposed to be doing my chemistry Powerpoint presentation right now but got distracted by Janice's story. She nagged me to write her life out, it's not finished yet and I don't know if I will ever want to finish it since I kind of like where I left it off but here it goes anyway:

___________________________

“Janice”

I moaned.

“Janice.”

I turned my back.

“Ja-ni-ce”

I pulled my covers over my head.

“Janice!”

My covers were yanked away from my hands.

“Janice, wake up! We’re going to be late!”

“I don’t want to! Leave me alone sis!” I pulled my covers back and tried to curl myself into a ball.

Again, it was yanked back, this time out of my reach.

“I’d like to do that sleeping beauty but mom and dad’s already downstairs. Besides, you have to go to the hospital on time.”

I decided it’s time to open my eyes and look back at the not so very appeasing appearance of my sister.

She threw my towel at me and pointed at my bathroom. I only groaned in response and strolled lazily to my bathroom grabbing my clothes in the process.

“Chop Chop Jan! You have 30 minutes!” She shouted through the closed door.

I rolled my eyes at her. “Yes mommy!” I shouted back, just to annoy her.

“Meet you downstairs my very lovely sister!” she retorted, sarcasm and annoyance thickly coating her every word – especially the last ones.

I smirked and allowed the warm water cascade down my body. It felt really good to just stand under the shower and let the water trickle down my body easing my stiff muscles.

I could stay here forever.

If only that word forever can also apply to the likes of me.

I turned the tap off and quickly dried myself. I turned to the mirror and started brushing my damp hair.

I had no idea why I have to wake up at 8 am in a Saturday morning. Fine. I actually do have an idea but can’t I at least sleep in just for once on a Saturday? If I’m not woken up for a hospital appointment, I’m woken up for absolutely no reason at all by my sister. Urgh!

I dressed in a very comfortable T-shirt and jeans and didn’t bother with the make-up. It’s just the hospital, not like there would be any point. Besides, I only ever wear mascara and a lip gloss anyway.

“Janice dear! Are you ready yet?” My mom asked from somewhere down the stairs.

I quickly grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder. “Coming mom!”

“Hey, brunette! How’s your weekend?” Hannah, my best friend, asked in front of my locker.

I shrugged trying to sound nonchalant. “Just the usual, how’s yours?”

Her eyes twinkled in delight and excitement when I asked her the question and she squealed.

I cringed.

“You won’t believe it!” she said, clutching my arm and stopping me from taking my book out of my locker.

I stared at her and raised my eyebrows encouragingly. After all, believe it or not, I’m interested on what she’s so excited about although it’ll probably be about her and Alfie’s love life.

“Alfie!” I smiled. “He took me to Fabulisimo!”

My eyes widen in shock. I never thought of Alfie as some romantic dude. “I know! I couldn’t believe it as well!”

I finally was able to stuff the book in my bag when she released my arm. I closed my locker and turned to her with a serious but excited expression.

I wouldn’t really admit it to the world but I do like romantic things and something as romantic as the expensive, mood setting, Fabulisimo and my best friend and her boyfriend having dinner at the said restaurant should have more details.

“Spill.”

She nodded and I was bombarded with all the details I wanted. “He called me at 8 o’clock in the evening last Saturday and told me we have to talk in a very serious tone. I thought he’s gonna break up with me!”

So that was the 10 missed calls about.

“Yea, anyway” I raised my eyebrow at her. “That was what the miss calls was about – which reminds me you have to tell me what happened and why didn’t you answer any of it!”

I nodded and told her to continue “So, being me, I dressed the best that I can. You know, so he knows what he’s letting go of.”

Typical Hannah. I smiled.

“He picked me up at 9 and he started to drive. We sat in silence the whole time. I was really nervous! Then he stopped and got out of the car. The next thing I know he was opening my door for me and we were in front of this amazing restaurant! I stared at him in awe and he kissed my hands! It was really really romantic Janice!”

“Then he led me inside. I couldn’t believe he reserved the best seats for us! I could practically see the whole city from there! Then we ate – the food were amazing! And he-“

She was cut off by the second bell. “Shit! We’re late.”

Before I could protest and tell her that it’s ok to be late just this once she was already making her way to her homeroom. I frowned.

What a way to deflate someone’s balloon of excitement.

The first two hours of my morning classes were the longest hours of my existence. It almost felt like it will never end. I stared at the clock as its hand made a full revolution, counting the remaining time.

5 minutes 37... 36... 35 seconds till this class is over.

5 minutes 34... 33... till I could finally see Hannah and squeeze the details of her night at Fabulisimo from her.

5 minutes 12... 11... 10 “Miss Walker...”

4 minutes 58... 57... 56 “Miss Walker!”

I snapped my head to the very angry voice of my Calculus teacher, Mr Hicks, “Please stay behind after the lesson.”

Oh! Hell! “yes, sir.” I said in my resigned tone silently cursing my luck.

The lecture I got from Mr Hicks took most of my break and I now only have 10 minutes to find Hannah and to ask her about Saturday.

As I was frantically searching for my friend, I heard my name being called from somewhere. I looked around and saw Billy waving at me from under the tree.

I smiled and jog towards him. “Hey, Bill, Laura, Paul, Chris, Norman and Mark!”

I was answered by a chorus of Hey and Hello’s from all of them. “What’s up? Looking for something?”

I ran a hand through my tangled hair and looked around one more time. “Yea, actually, do you happen to see Hannah? I need to talk to her.”

“I think I saw her with Alf near the gazebo a while ago. I wouldn’t want to disturb them though.” Laura replied.

“Oh! Ok, thanks!” I said and was about to go to the gazebo.

That means I can’t talk to her about it.

Then I blushed realizing what Laura had implied and scowled at her. They just laughed at me and told me to sit down with them.

I pouted and blamed Hannah for my detention and from losing my break and most of all for leaving me hanging wondering about what the great Alfred had done.

“You owe me big time!” I hissed at her as we sat down on our table during lunch.

She looked at me questioningly while poking at what our school has branded as a ‘decent and healthy’ lunch. “I lost my break for being lectured by Hicksy and running around the whole school looking for you! You also left me hanging from this morning. And my friend, when will you ever learn not to buy lunch from our humble school cantina.”

“Hey, why blame me for Hicksy’s lecture?”

“Because, I was looking at the clock counting down the minutes till I can look for you and by doing so, I was vulnerable from Hicksy’s evilness!”

She shook her head and sighed. “Ok. I get it. I’m sorry.”

I grinned. “Now. Spill.”

A dreamy expression took over her face and she stared at nothing in particular “Well, after we ate our food. He took a black box out and took my hand.”

Right then, I saw the silver ring on my friend’s left hand. I felt my jaw drop “You! He didn’t!”

She grinned widely at me, amused by my reaction. “Oh yes he did.”

“OH MY GOD!” I whispered in disbelief, both my hands clasped over my mouth.

I can’t believe it! My best friend is practically engaged!

“I can’t believe it! Why didn’t you tell me sooner!!” I was practically flabbergasted.

She frowned ever so lightly, her mouth still turned up into a very blinding smile – she was too amused to be mad at me. “I did. Remember the miss calls? Which reminds me where were you, the whole weekend?”

“Oh.” Was all I could say from her reminder, still shocked.

“Janice Marissa Walker” She said, trying to get my attention.

When I finally snapped from my initial shock I quickly ran over to her side of the table and hugged her tightly. “Congratulations!”

“Took you long enough!” She hugged back and laughed.

The unfinished homework lay forgotten on the desk, the lamp lighted the mess that she called a study desk.

The pencil mug was knocked over spilling all different kinds of pen all over the table to the floor. The swivelling chair that just an hour ago was still happily being used by its owner is now lying cold on the ground.

Droplets of dried blood were spilled across the bathroom floor where a helpless girl was bent over the bath tub, breathing heavily and losing consciousness.

“JJ!” Hannah called and caught up with me. “Where were you this morning? I also tried calling you yesterday evening. What happened? You look pale.”

I smiled at my friend with the best smile I could muster to reassure her that everything is alright. “Oh, I got caught up on something.” I shrugged.

She raised an eyebrow at me. “I’m not convinced.”

My smile didn’t falter, no. In fact I upped it to a grin. “I’m Ok, sweet.”

It’s Wednesday today and we are now walking to the cafeteria to eat our lunch.

Hannah nudged me. “Are you sure you’re ok, Janice?”

I looked at her with a smirk plastered on my face. “How many times do you need me to repeat myself, granny?”

“Ok, you are definitely fine.” She said glaring at me, she doesn’t like it when I call her that, and increased her pace.

I smiled at myself and tailed after her. I found that I couldn’t catch up to her like before.

Damn it!

I opened my eyes to find myself in a very familiar place. It smelled like disinfectant.

I blinked, taking in my environment. I was lying on a white bed, a thin blanket covering my body. The ceiling was the normal bland green and the curtains were of the same color.

The Clinic, I concluded.

“Janice” A very familiar voice snapped me from my musing.

On my right was Hannah, looking very worried and concerned. “How are you feeling?”

I tried propping myself up in a sitting position but she stopped me from doing so. “You have to rest. That’s what the nurse told me.”

I nodded and lied back down. “How long?”

My heart skipped a bit at her question. Does she know?

I cleared my throat and evened my voice. “Whatever do you mean, Han?”

She glared at me. “How long have you been feeling this way?”

My heart was beating so fast, I couldn’t believe she couldn’t hear it. I was caught off-guard by her sudden questionings. “Huh?”

Yes, that was my very intelligent reply towards such a question.

She sighed and looked at me like she didn’t know what to do with me. “How long have you been feeling your insomnia?”

Oh! I sighed in relief and smiled at her. “Since Monday, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I thought it was just the usual one. Don’t worry. I’m fine.”

“Ok, well, I have to go back to class before Mrs. Colloney chucks me out of here.” She said jokingly, relief underlying her tone.

I kept my smile on my face “Ok.”

“You should rest. I’ll pick you up here after classes.” She smiled back.

I nodded and stared at her retreating back. I closed my eyes and rested my right arm over my forehead.

“You haven’t told your friend, have you?” Mrs. Colloney said over the green curtain separating her desk from the sick bed – the one I’m currently lying on.

I pressed my arms on my eyes. “I couldn’t.” I replied softly, trying to stop the prickling of warmth from my eyes.

Mrs. Colloney didn’t reply and was silent. I could imagine her nodding understandingly from over the curtain.

After a while, I heard her saying softly, her voice full of care. “Just sleep, dear.”

And I did as I was instructed. I slept like a baby.

“Hannah!” I called out over the crowd when I spotted my red head friend just a few steps ahead of me from the crowded corridor.

She stopped and waited for me. “Hey! what’s up?”

I took a flyer out of my pocket and held it up her eye level. “’Are you over 17? Looking for a job? Fidney Production is looking for assistants.’ Ok, and... what do you want to achieve by letting me read such a gaudy flyer?”

I grinned at my friend making the point to show all of my teeth. “Don’t tell me you-“

“Yes. And you are coming with me.” I winked at her. “It starts next week. During the term break. They already accepted.”

“How did-“

“I got my connections.” I smiled. My doctor is the director’s cousin and when I accidentally blurted about the upcoming movie me and Hannah was so excited about, he asked me if I wanted to see the filming for myself.

Don’t worry, he cleared me out.

“Really?!” She jumped “I can’t believe this! I’m going to tell Alfred!”

I laughed when she practically run to where Alfred is and shouted “Catch you later busy bee!”

She waved her hand and pulled a thumb up while she run and I headed to my next class.

It was the first day of term break and I was on my way to Hannah’s house to pick her up. We’re headed to the beach where the filming is.

Today is our first day as film crews. Dr. Keenan also said that he’ll be there today to see how I cope with it. If he thought that I can’t do it then he’ll tell his cousin to fire me.

He’s such a meanie right?

I tapped my horn to catch Hannah’s attention from her house. “Hannah!”

I heard something falling inside and Hannah blasted through the doors with her mom in tow. “Hi Untie!” I said us I climbed out of my car and hugged my aunt.

“Fine. Ignore me.” Billy said pouting behind Aunt Reya.

I grinned at him and took a few steps back only to run and jump to him. “Oh no, you don’t!” He said, opening his arms and shaking his head.

Hannah and Auntie took a step aside and were watching us with hearty smiles. “Here I come!”

Billy stumbled a few steps back and gave me a tight hug – one that stops you from breathing. “Can’t... breathe...” I said tapping his back.

He let go of me and all of us laughed.

“Whoa! That’s Gerald Adams!” Hannah said pointing to a black-haired guy with a hat over the caravan.

I smiled and turned the engine off. “Let’s go.”

Before I climbed out she grabbed my arm and started pointing at some more famous actors and actresses. “Ok, Ok, I get it.” I said, looking at her with a smile and excited expression of my own.

“Before we get their autographs and such we have to get out of my car and head over there first.”

She stopped her quite strong grasp of my arm and nodded profusely. I shook my head and grabbed my bag from the back seat.

The beach was calm today, something that I always liked. When I was young we used to go and take a swim here every summer. My family together with Hannah’s used to come together. The adults would set up a barbeque thing and we would quickly strip our clothes and head over to the salty water.

Again, I was snapped out of my thoughts when Hannah called my name. “JJ what are we supposed to do now?”

“Talk to the director.” I said searching for him.

Over at the distance I saw a familiar person waving over our direction. Once we were close enough, I recognized him as my Doctor – Dr. Keenan. A smile broke over my face and I dragged Hannah with me.

“Hey James!”

Ugh, that sounded a tad weird. I never call Dr. Keenan with his first name.

“Calling me by my first name now, huh, little Jan?”

I smiled at his nickname for me and made a pointing look to Hannah explaining why I can’t call him the usual.

“Ah, I see, you have a lovely friend with you.” I nodded, glad that he took the hint.

“Hannah, James... my uh-“

“I’m Troy and Jasmine’s friend from way back.” He quickly added and I mouthed thanks to him and continued with my introduction.

“James, Hannah, my best friend and cousin.”

“Always nice to meet some beautiful ladies.” Dr. Keenan said winking at me. I burst out laughing when I saw Hannah blush and high fived him.

Dr. Keenan is indeed my parent’s friend from way back. He acts more like a big brother to me and Jillian, my older sister, and I could definitely tell you that he’s a ladies’ man back in his days.

We walked over to a man that looks like a Dr. Keenan copycat except younger and a little bit on the losing side compared to Doc.

“Nick!” Dr. Keenan said gaining the attention of the young man.

“Hey! James! What’s it?” Nick said, in a bit of a rush while coming over.

“I’d like you to meet your new helpers. Janice” at the mention of my name he took on an understanding look and I just smiled “and Hannah.”

“This is Nick, my cousin.” Dr. Keenan finished.

Both me and Hannah said ‘nice to meet you’ in a chorus and were replied back by the same phrase.

Nick turned to Dr. Keenan and asked something in a low voice.

Dr. Keenan nodded. “Yeah. Call me if anything happens.”

“Well, girls I gotta go. Still got some shift in the hospital.” He said, turning to us and glancing at his watch. Then he looked at me playfully. “You.” He said, pointing an accusing finger on me.

“Behave.” My eyes widen in shock. He’s treating me like a kid!

I slapped his pointy finger and stuck my tongue out. Well, if he wanted a kiddy behaviour then he’ll get it.

Nick and Hannah, together with the stupid Dr laughed at me and I just glared at him trying to keep my own laughter inside.

When everything was back to its normalcy Dr. Keenan tapped me on my shoulder and said in a low voice. “Remember don’t strain yourself. Tell Nick if you’re not feeling well or call me immediately. Understood?”

I smiled and nodded my head. Nick was busy telling Hannah instructions just a few steps away from us. “Gotcha!”

“And, don’t forget to-“

I stared at him a bit annoyed – he’s slowly rising to a higher level than my mom’s nags. “I got it, mommy.”

He glared. “I’m being serious Janice.”

I grinned. “I know, Dr. Keen. I’ll be fine. I’ll call you as soon as I feel like something’s wrong.”

He looked me in the eye searching for something in there and when he was satisfied he stood up to his full height and smiled. “Take care. You haven’t called Troy and Jas yet have you?”

“Not yet. But I’ll call them now.” I said, as I reached for my phone in my pockets.

He nodded and waved goodbye to his cousin and Hannah then walked away to his car. I called my parents to tell them where I was now and that I’m alright.

Nick assigned us to the lightest possible job he could find. It was probably because of Dr. Keenan. The other crew members were given some of the heavy duty stuff like carrying the equipments all around the set.

We, however, were assigned to help in the food preparation and giving refreshments to everyone. Including the actors and actresses in the set with which Hannah was squealing about. She’s a huge fan of Gerald Adams.

Me? Well, I wanted to be a director like Nick when I grow up... an actress would also work.

I laughed at myself at that thought. That was one of the most impossible dreams a person could ever have.

“What are you laughing about?” Someone asked me from behind. I dismissed it as one of the co-helpers like me.

“Nothing.” I replied, my voice still full of laughter. I continued sorting the food out. Lunch is just 15 minutes from now and everyone will definitely file in here like ants trying to get food.

Oh, I forgot to mention to you, I was the only person currently in the tent – uh, except the other one who just came in – because Hannah was asked to help out somewhere and the other were busy at the back cooking. I’m the one responsible for putting everything in order here.

“Oh, where are the other people in here?” He said.

“They’re all in the back cooking.” I said absently. Well, that’s not all true since Hannah’s outside but she’s not cooking – I let that one slide.

“So, what are you doing here then?”

Ok, what is this? 21 questions?

I turned around, a styro container on my right hand and a pair of tweezers on the other. “I’m preparing the cooked food.” I gestured to my hands and the food behind me.

I looked at the person standing in front of me he was wearing a cap that says ‘all stars’ on the front, black hair, brown eyes –

When I realized who it was I quickly glanced at my watch. It’s not time for lunch yet! Did they take an early break?

Shit!

I looked around to the stack of styro box I already done – Not enough!

“Are you alright? Is there any problem?” Gerald asked in a curious voice.

I snapped my head back to his general direction. “Were you guys finished with the filming? I was told there was still 15 minutes left. We’re still not done with the food preparation and I still got a lot of food to pack. Shit!” I said when I realized just how slow I have been working. “Can you tell them to wait for just a couple of minutes? I’m sorry, I know you’re hungry and all. Argh!”

I was a little bit frantic by this point. I was given the lightest job but even that I couldn’t do and just where are the others when I need them!

He held his hands up and told me to calm down. “I wasn’t needed for the scene so I was taking a bit of wandering around. Don’t worry they’re still filming out there.”

I nodded and turned back to the food, hastening my pace.

“Do you need any help?” He offered. He was closer to me than he was a second ago. He must have walked over.

...and I thought that he went away.

I smiled. “Oh no, I’m fine. Thanks. My friend might be coming back now. She said she’ll only be a minute.”

“Is your friend the one with red hair holding the reflector over there?” He said pointing somewhere.

I looked at the direction he’s pointing at and saw Hannah holding a white board near the camera man.

“How did you know?” I asked defeated.

“I saw you two when you were talking to Nick.” I made an ‘ah’ sound to hint that I understood.

I looked at Hannah again and sighed. When I turned my attention back to the food, Gerald was wearing an apron and was holding a pair of tweezers on his other hand.

I frowned. “You know as much as I’m very thankful for your help. I don’t want to get into trouble.”

“Don’t worry” he said and grabbed the styro box from my hand.

“I’ll probably get fired.” I muttered under my breath as I continued with my work telling him what he needed to do.

We finished packing the food just before they called a break. Gerald grinned at me and I just grinned back thanking him for helping me.

After we finished and everyone started filing in I was told to take a break as well and was shooed away from the tent as it started to get busy. Gerald went back to his caravan after taking three boxes of lunch with him. He told me the other two was for his manager and PA when I sent him an odd look.

So, with my lunch in one hand and Hannah’s in the other I went to where she was sitting near a tree just at the mouth of the forest.

“Hey busy bee! Want some of these?” I said as I flopped down next to her offering her, her lunch.

She looked at me like I’m her saviour or something and dramatically said, “Oh dear Janice, you are the light of my suffering stomach!”

I laughed “Ok, my dear poet, I think we need to call the mental institute.”

She grinned and took the box out of my hand and we both dug in our food.

“So, how’s it going?” I asked after we finished our food.

She sipped on her drink and smiled. “I’m tired after holding that reflector up all morning but I’m having fun. I get to see the celebrities up close. How’s your stay in the kitchen?”

“Nothing much, I was just helped by Gerald Adams in preparing the food.” I shrugged trying to sound nonchalant.

“Oh...” Was what she replied. I watched as the information sink in. First she acted like she didn’t care, then she was shocked, then she was excited like a child.

“Wait! You mean Gerald helped you? Like the Gerald – Gerald Adams?” She said again clutching my arms in a strong grip. I grinned widely at her when she finally understood.

“Yes.”

“OMG! Jaycee boo! What did you do?”

I raised an eyebrow at her new nickname for me and answered. “Nothing.”

And that was the truth. I did nothing.

“What?” She asked incredulously.

I laughed. “We were so busy preparing the food. I didn’t even introduce myself.”

“Sheez! You’re probably the only woman in the world who would do that when Gerald Adams is basically right in front of them. Please tell me you at least talked?”

I shook my head, amused by her disappointment. “Besides him asking me what I’m doing and telling me where you were. We didn’t.”

“I can’t believe you! If it was any other girl they would’ve totally go gaga over him.”

She was pouting afterwards and was muttering things that I should’ve done given the big opportunity so I tuned her out and stared at the rolling waves.

It’s not like I’m not interested in romance or anything, I am after all a fan of romance and all, but I don’t want to enter a relationship when I know that I would only hurt my partner.

“Hey! You two over there! We need help!”

We both stood up and talked about some other things while we walked over and started cleaning up.

The filming resumed shortly after.

“Janice!” I looked over to the direction of the voice that called me and saw Nick motioning for me to come over.

It’s now dark so all of us are starting to pack up. The actors and actresses are resting in their respective cars.

“Need me for anything?” I asked when I was near enough.

“No. Actually, J just called me and asked how you were doing.”

“Oh,” I said and thought that I was adding to Nick’s burden. “I’m sorry.”

He looked at me questioningly. “What for?”

“Erm... Well, I think I’m being such a burden. I mean, I-“

“Don’t be ridiculous!” He scolded me. “J has been telling me about you for quite a while and I owe your parents from way back.”

I looked at him in awe. “You know mom and dad?”

“Yeah, they helped me when I was just starting out. I’m just paying them back” He laughed. “And I was told you wanted to be a director?”

I nodded like a child. He laughed a short laugh and ruffled my hair just like Dr. Keenan had always done since I was admitted to the hospital. “Ok. Starting tomorrow you’ll be my apprentice.”

“Are you joking?” I said full of excitement.

He laughed yet again. “I’m serious, you know.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

I wanted to hug him but thought better of it instead I squeezed his hand and jumped up and down. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

“Wait. I have a condition.”

I stopped my childish streak and nodded solemnly. “You must absolutely tell me when anything’s wrong, understood?”

“Understood, Sir!” I saluted. “Sir. Permission to go, Sir!”

He looked amusedly at me, probably because I’m acting like such a child, and told me it’s ok.

I run to where I knew my best friend is, unable to contain my happiness. She won’t believe what I had been told just now!

‘ooof!’ I stumbled a fe- a lot of steps backward and was about to fall when someone grabbed and steadied me. I looked up to the person.

“Thank you” I said, breathing heavily, clutching my heart.

If that’s not enough, the person holding me now is Gerald. I clutched my heart harder (not literally of course... that’s kind of impossible...).

That almost gave me a heart attack!

He smiled down at me and let me go. “Why were you in such a hurry?”

“Oh... nothing. I was just looking for Hannah, you know my best friend.”

“The red-haired girl from before?”

“Yea.” I nodded. “Have you, per chance, seen her?”

“She was cleaning back in the tent a while ago if I’m not mistaken.”

“Really? Thanks!” I said and started running towards the tent.

“Wait!” He called.

I stopped and looked back.

“You still haven’t told me your name.”

I raised my left hand to the back of my neck, something I always do whenever I was in a hurry and was unable to go. “Janice Walker.”

I hastily said. I turned around and run towards the tent. I smiled when I saw the red-haired girl that I call my best friend picking a cup up and throwing it straight to the trash can.

The next day

The filming ends two days from now so that meant that we will be staying here for two more days. We were provided with free lodging for the time we are here in a nearby hotel just a short walk from the beach. I and Hannah shared a room.

Last night when I found her in the tent I dragged her out and told her about me being Nick’s apprentice. She couldn’t believe it at first but congratulated me when she was convinced that I was not joking.

I mean, no kidding! Even I didn’t believe Nick when he told me I would be his apprentice!

“Good luck!” Hannah patted me when we arrived in the set.

I nodded and smiled. “You too”

She slapped me hard on the back and I coughed. “Relax girl!”

I smiled uneasily at her. “I’ll catch you later. Relax, ok?”

I nodded and headed to Nick, my heart thumping excitedly in my chest.

The filming today finished early because of the unexpected weather and we are currently back in our room after having our dinner.

“So how was it?” Hannah asked with her feet folded beneath her while she watches me brushing my hair.

“It was amazing!” I said as I turned to look at her, my hands midway down my hair. “I learnt so much today!”

“That’s good! I’m so happy for you! You’re practically like an overjoyed child back there.” She laughed, remembering how I stuck to Nick and observes everything he does.

I pouted. “Well, it was so much fun though!”

“Whoa girl! I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I’m just really happy for you.”

I smiled widely at her. “Well, I’m tired. I’m going to sleep early. You should too.”

I nodded, “Ok, I’m just going to buy a drink and maybe take a walk.”

“Alright, take care.” She said lying back on her bed.

I was dressed lightly so I grabbed one of my jackets in the cabinet and my messenger bag. “I’m off!”

I heard a muffled “Uh-huh” and I smiled.

With the click of the door I headed down the elevator and to the lobby.

“What to drink... what to drink...” I muttered as I choose from coffee or water or cola.

“Coffee and water” I decided putting my money in the vending machine and pushing the canned coffee button.

As I was heading out, canned coffee in my hand, I heard someone call my name. “Janice. Where are you off to?”

Nick asked from the cafe. He was together with his assistant director. I stopped from my tracks and walked to them. “Hi Nick and Harold! Umm... I was just going out for a walk.”

Nick eyed me suspiciously. “It’s already dark out there.”

“Uh, yea, I was feeling a bit queasy so I thought fresh air could help.”

“Do you want someone to come with you?”

I shook my head. “I’m alright. I’m just going to the beach; I’ll be near our filming spot.”

He stared at me, I’m assuming he’s thinking whether it’s alright to let me go alone or not, then he nodded. “Have you got your phone?”

I nodded. “Call me if something happen, ok?”

I nodded. “I’m off then. Have a good night”

“Take care.” Both of them chorused and I was off to the beach.

I took my phone out and decided that it’s best to put Nick’s number in direct dial just in case the worst thing happen and I was unable to search his number through my phone book.

I reached the beach after walking for a minute and stared at the full moon. I closed my eyes and felt the cool breeze. The rhythmic sound of the waves gently caressing the beach was like a lullaby to my ears.

I walked a bit more till I reached our filming spot. I started tracing words on the sand and taking pictures of them.

I wrote ‘Friends Forever’ and ‘I<3u’>

I sat down on the sand erasing the words with my hand after taking a picture of them. Then I leaned back both my hands supporting my body and tilted my head backwards.

“Beautiful.” I whispered to myself as I looked out to the stars.

I started thinking of the upcoming week when I wouldn’t be able to do whatever it is I wanted. I closed my eyes and lay on my back on the sand.

I started to reminisce and with that came my inevitable reality.

“This is probably the last time...” The last time I’ll be able to do this.

I decided that when we come back from this job, I’ll finally tell Hannah about it.

“What do you mean the last time?”

I snapped my eyes open and was blinded by the light centered on me.

“Who?” I asked.

The light was turned off and my eyes finally adjusted. I saw Gerald standing beside me. He sat down and asked again. “What do you mean when you said the last time?”

I propped myself into a sitting position and drank some of my coffee. “I was just rambling.”

He didn’t say anything but I could feel him staring at me. When I couldn’t take the silence anymore I asked, “What’re you doing here?”

“I was looking for a bag.” He said holding a small bag on his hand. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, me?” I said. He nodded.

“Nothing... just wanted to grab some fresh air. Won’t your manager look for you?”

He scoffed. “He’s already fast asleep.”

“Oh- *cough* So *cough*”

Shit! Not now!

He patted my back trying to stop my coughing fit. Of course it didn’t.

“Are you ok? Maybe you should go back.” He asked worriedly.

The coughing stopped and I looked up at him. I tried to pull a bit of a smile and nodded. I reached for my water and drank as much as I needed almost drinking it all.

He helped me up and told me to lean into him for support. I did and he placed his arm over my shoulder to put me in a side embrace.

We were halfway back to the hotel when my coughing fit started again. This time it didn’t stop and I started coughing blood.

I was frantically searching my bag for my phone. “What is it?” He asked, worry all over his face.

More blood started coming up my throat.

I gestured with my bloody hand for the phone.

Right now we’re both kneeling on the sand. He searched my bag quickly and found it. I told him in between coughs to call the director and he did.

After that, I blacked out.

I woke up in my usual bed.

No not in my bedroom.

The hospital.

“She’s awake!” I heard the now familiar voice whispered in a relieved voice.

I slowly turned my head to it and saw Gerald sitting beside my bed. I wondered why but I didn’t dare to speak.

My throat feels so rough and it hurts to even breathe.

I had an oxygen mask on and I could hear the usual beat of the ECG right beside me.

I looked around the room to see Nick, Harold and Hannah hovering near the bed. They stopped when Gerald told them that I woke up.

They quickly went over to me and started to bombard me with questions. I never thought of Nick and Harold to be so fidgety.

I smiled the best smile I could muster up at them and forced myself to say ‘thank you’ ignoring the pain that started on my throat.

It was like I just swallowed a ball of needles. I tasted blood.

“Now, now, everyone. It’s not good if you all suddenly throw questions at her. The patient needs to rest.”

They all nodded. Then I felt something squeezing my hand and I realized Gerald has been holding my hand all the while.

“We need to talk.” Dr. Keenan told me.

When the others didn’t make a move to go he added, “Privately.”

I felt his hold loosen and I felt a sudden pang on my heart. I didn’t want to let go of those hands.

When all of them have left the room Dr. Keenan walked over my bed. I propped myself to a sitting position and made a move on removing my oxygen mask.

“Don’t.” Dr. Keen said.

I frowned. He knew I don’t like this mask.

But he smiled. “You need it, for now. Believe me.”

I nodded. “How are you feeling?”

I raised my thumb up telling him I’m fine then touched my throat and made a painful expression. “Don’t worry. It should feel better after a while.”

I nodded.

“I talked to your parents. They’re on their way over.”

Nod.

“I was also told of what happened.”

Nod.

“You’re going to be confined here earlier than we agreed.”

Nod.

“We have to do your operation as soon as possible.”

Nod.

“Gerald said he loved you”

Nod.

Wait! What?!

I looked at my doctor disbelieving. “Ah!” He said, light heartedly. “I thought you were sleeping. It worked didn’t it?”

I slapped his arm playfully and he laughed. “I’m serious about what I said before that though.”

I looked down and played with the ends of the blanket that’s draped over me; he was silent for a moment and was cautiously observing my reaction.

I nodded.

“Can I be left alone?” I whispered barely able to make any kind of sound.

My throat burned and I winced in pain.

Dr. Keen stared at me startled but I waved his worries off by mouthing I’m ok. He nodded and smiled. “Of course, little Jan. Rest well. I’ll take care of those noisy people outside.”

I smiled and sank down my bed, staring at the bland ceiling above me.

It smells of disinfectant.

Dr. Keenan stepped outside to the anxious people waiting in the corridor. All of them looked very tired and worried. The click of the door got their attention and their head simultaneously snapped to the doctor’s direction with an expectant look.

“James...” Nick started.

“She’s alright. She’s sleeping right now.” Dr. Keenan said reassuringly.

“Can we go in?” Hannah asked, looking behind the doctor’s body at the door separating her and her best friend. She had no idea what is happening with her.

She was woken up by loud knockings on her and Janice’s door at 12:30 am and the next thing she knew was her best friend being taken away in an ambulance and her riding in Nick’s car tailing it.

No one has explained anything to her.

Dr. Keenan shook his head. “I think it’s best that we let her rest.”

“What is wrong with her?” Hannah asked fully worried.

Dr. Keenan paused for a moment before answering “I’m sorry I’m not allowed to say anything more than that. You should ask her when she wakes up. But for now, I suggest that the children go back to their hotel to rest.” He said, turning to Nick.

Nick nodded and told them to go. Hannah protested but was met with a tired ‘no’.

Gerald stood there, with his still bloody shirt, taking everything in. He knew that something is wrong. Something is terribly wrong to the brunette girl sleeping back in the room but he didn’t say anything.

Who was he to ask something? He asked himself and took a long glance at the closed door of Janice’s room and followed Harold and Hannah reluctantly to the car back to their hotel.

I woke up the next morning with my oxygen mask still intact. I glanced around the room and saw my whole family with Hannah sitting on the couches provided.

I took the mask off “Good morning” I quietly said and smiled at them.

All of them snapped to my direction. It was funny how that looked like a domino effect thing. First it was my mother who was sitting at the nearest couch from me, then my dad, then my sister, then Hannah.

My mom stood up and took my hand. “How are you feeling, dear?”

“I’m fine Mom. Look I can even stand if you want me too.” I chuckled.

She stopped me and pushed me back down to the comfort of my bed. “No, don’t exert yourself.”

“Mom, I’m not exerting myself by merely standing up. I had a coughing fit and that’s all. I’m not invalid or something.” I whined but didn’t stand up.

“No, of course you’re not, dear. Of course you’re not.” She said, kissing my forehead.

“Are you ok?” My dad then asked.

I grinned. “I’m strong as a bull Dad.”

I was rewarded by a smile “That’s my girl.”

Hannah stood up, she was the farthest from me from where she was sitting and walked slowly towards me, a sad smile lighting her face.

“I think you two needs to talk.” My mom said, squeezing my hands.

I nodded and sat up.

Hannah sat to the stool next to my bed while my mom and the others made their way out.

“So, how’re you doing busy bee?” I said trying to start a casual conversation.

She smiled. “You’re the one lying on a sick bed and I’m the one being asked how she’s doing.”

I grinned.

“I’m ok, I guess.” She answered and asked me. “How are you doing?”

Hmmm... How am I doing?

“I’m doing good?” I offered.

She stared at me. “No you’re not.”

“I saw all those blood from Gerald’s shirt last night. What happened? What is it really? Please, tell me Janice because I’m going crazy here. I-“

I touched her hand to calm her down. “I’m sorry.”

She stopped her ramblings and looked up at me. “I was going to tell you soon but this happened.” I said, raising both of my hands.

She nodded and I continued. “I’m not going to go around the bush since it’ll be the same either way.”

She squeezed the fabric of my blanket she’s been holding onto when she came over. Her knuckles where turning white from the force she’s exerting. “Is it that bad?” She whispered.

I smiled sadly, “I have lung cancer, Hannah.”

I never thought it was possible but her white knuckles from lack of blood went whiter as she gripped the fabric harder.

I didn’t say anything after my little revelation. I just watched her as she take the information in. It was quite funny to tell you the truth.

I mean, you can definitely see how her facial expressions changed. It was shocked at first, then calm, then confused, then worried... then... she looked up and what I saw stabbed my heart like a dagger.

Her eyes were tearful and in it I could only see pain and sadness.

I didn’t want to make her cry. It wasn’t part of the plan.

“Hannah...” I said, grabbing her hand. “Don’t do this.”

“Tell me you’re joking.” She cried. I squeezed her hands. “I wish I was.” I whispered back.

I felt some tears making their way down my cheeks and she looked up at me biting her lower lip. Then she stood up and hugged me tightly and we both cried.

______________________

AN: Sorry it doesn't have any title yet.

______________________

Words, once they printed, have a life of their own.

- Carol Burnett

Black omen

2009-10-15T21:37:00.001+01:00

So now I know why I was feeling giddy last night... haha...

damn. I'm going crazy! XD

Haiku 2

2009-10-15T00:19:00.003+01:00

how should I say this?

hmmm... I'm brimming with excitement but I cannot quite place why. My heart's beating a thousand miles per hour and there's a million butterflies flying in my stomach. haha. It's weird.

I am here, my love.

I will chase away your fears.

rest... I'll protect you.

Happy Birthday to me!

2009-10-12T00:28:00.003+01:00

Sazzy's mood: Ecstatic!

Sazzy's listening to:

an unknown anime... I don't know what it is... my brother's watching it! haha!

yay! It's my birthday! haha! I'm 18! It's awesome XD

I'm getting older... LOL.

Anyway.... want to know what I've been doing still up at 12 am in the morning and on my birthday nonetheless?

I was doing my biology homework. How sad is that?

haha! Anyway, I've finished it and I just have to do my mechanics homework tomorrow. :)

For now, I'm going to sleep. I don't want my cold to get any worse than it already is. haha

Signing off,

Saz

_____________________

Lord, I'm very grateful to everything you have given me. For the wonderful family, awesome friends and everyone whom I've met. Thank you for all the experiences I've gained and all the lessons I've learnt. I wish that you'll continue to teach, guide and support me on my journey, that is life. Amen.

알고있나요 - Someday

2009-10-11T14:06:00.001+01:00

When the blinding light

Of the morning comes

I open the eyes of love and sing

For only you

For you, I love you, only you

Filled with my restless heart

With words smoother than the fragrant scent of coffee

I look towards you

Do you know darling?

I know you feel it too

The words of your heart is “love”

I hear it now

I see it now

This timid feeling that is more beautiful

Than any flower

Look towards me

Hold my hands tightly

Such a happy feeling,

Such a blinding fate

I smile at the scent of love

Whenever the wind blows

I gently close my eyes

And whisper a charm of love

So that you may feel my heart

Look into my eyes darling,

That is filled with my restless heart

As warm as a magical kiss

Please accept my feelings

Do you know darling?

I know you feel it too

The words of your heart is “love”

I hear it now

I see it now

This timid feeling that is more beautiful

Than any flower

I will promise

That our hands will always be together

Such a happy feeling,

Such a blinding future

Let’s get drunk off the scent of love

Forever

Do you know darling?

I know you feel it too

The words of your heart is “love”

I hear it now

I see it now

This timid feeling that is more beautiful

Than any flower

I love you and you alone

Weekend Scribbles 16

2009-10-10T22:28:00.004+01:00

Sazzy's mood: TERRIBLE!

Sazzy's listening to: Nothing... I want to sleep!

It's terrible.... :/

This cold is just terrible... I can't think straight! T_T

This morning I tried doing some of my homework just as I planned to do for this Saturday. All I did was stare at the paper for hours while listening to my iPod. I didn't finish anything at all!!!

If I were to rate this day it's about 4 or 5 i guess... It wasn't as boring but I didn't like it because my headache won't go away. I've already finished one toilet roll since this morning... I'm half way to my second one...

Uh, I just have to get sick at the wrong time didn't I?

*sigh*

__________________

God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean.

- Albert Einstein

Her Decision.

2009-09-30T01:19:00.004+01:00

Sazzy's mood: Contemplative

Sazzy's listening to: Just in time by Alyssa Bernal

The official ban has been lifted as of 16:oo this afternoon! I have been surfing the internet for quite a while, as usual. I've also got my results fro my UKCAT here:

Verbal Reasoning: 550

Quantitative Reasoning: 600

Abstract Reasoning: 640

Decision analysis: 720

My average score was 627.5

I'm having a mixed feeling about my result because I'm not sure if my average is enough or not. I was hoping to get at least 630 but the verbal reasoning let me down. I was surprised, however, that I got such a high score on decision analysis! I think it actually save me from getting an average score of below 600 which would have been bad. A bit gutted by my verbal... I didn't expect it to be that low... maybe it had something to do with me guessing half of the questions because of time restrictions! lol.

From my UKCAT results I have finally made my mind about my course options in applying to Universities. I will be pursuing medicine and will keep biomed as a back up course. The next thing I have to think about is what universities should I apply for!

Having said all that, I'm really glad it's all over now and I would like to thank everyone for supporting me in this test and most especially to God for guiding me through the process and the exam itself.

______________________

We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.

- Anais Nin

An hour and twenty minutes before the exam.

2009-09-29T12:30:00.002+01:00

I'm done revising! I can do this!

Haha! I'm motivating myself lol! Anyways... I should be putting this on plurk but seeing as I banned myself from going to those sites, I'm posting here :)

Oh! I miss travian!!! T_T

Dear God,

I pray that I can answer all the questions with a clear mind. Please give me wisdom and guide me throughout the test.

Amen.

Ja ne! I'll see you guys after my exam. I'm going to prepare my things now and have a nice shower to relax :)

She's Forbidden.

2009-09-28T19:32:00.006+01:00

Sazzy's mood:

Concentrated

Sazzy's listening to:

Phantom of the Zeremus (The Final Battle) in courtesy of K a w a i i -r a d i o

As of 19:32 of the 28th of September I am officially banning myself from going to Travian.co.uk, .ph, facebook, onemanga (or any other manga sites) and plurk till tomorrow 16:00 of the 29th of September.

I will allow myself of course to go on Blogger to put little entries on my progress.

Wish me luck :)

Oh! By the way here is an interesting test result I've found (it is related to my exam so don't go off on me).

Your answers show that you are a combination of Leader, Organiser and Broker.
Leader
The leader co-ordinates team activity and makes sure that everyone has their say. This requires good negotiating skills, and at times, the ability to persuade others of a particular course of action. Skilled leaders make things happen by being extremely persistant and by energising other people
Organiser
The organiser takes ideas and turns them into practical plans. This involves working out schedules and sticking to time deadlines. It is the organiser who makes sure that jobs get done and that the team is kept on track. The organiser is an energetic team member who is good at tying up loose ends.
Broker
The broker is good at promoting team spirit and skilled at diffusing tension. The broker also likes to take new ideas and develop them, especially if this involves communicating with people outside the team. In short the broker is good at networking and keeping an eye on what other businesses are doing

___________________________

Good judgement comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgements.

-Barry LePatner

Weekend Scribbles 15

2009-09-27T21:13:00.002+01:00

Hehe! I remembered to write the weekend scribbles! yay!

Anyway, I just finished watching the X factor and is waiting for Xtra factor, however, it's really sad to see so many people stranded on their roofs because of the flood in the Philippines. It's also a bit frustrating because we can't do anything but listen to the news and just pray that everyone's going to be safe.

Thank God! the typhoon has finally calmed down and is not causing as much of a problem now. So please pray for everyone in the Philippines (mainly in Luzon) who has been affected by the floods.

My UKCAT's also coming up. It's on this tuesday so please pray for me as well and wish me luck! I really need them!

And to lighten things up, I'm happy that TrueColors made it through the bootcamp :)

BT = 'Bad Telecommunications'

2009-09-23T19:53:00.003+01:00

Anyone ever wondered why I wasn't posting?

The reason was, I didn't have any internet for the last few days. All blame goes to BT.

I have had a few words with them and they were not the most pleasant phone conversations you would want to hear. BT had been the bane of my life for the past 2 months. They claim to be the best internet provider there is, but guess what? that's a load of bull.

If you can bear to have a very slow internet for the next 2 months after your first contract, talk to some heavy accented person on the phone everyday and maybe a few days when you don't have any phone and internet connection then by all means go ahead with the contract. My advice is after your first contract look for another better ISP provider.

But of course, this does not apply to everyone. It might just be us who is this concerned with the speed of our broadband connection.

If you are are happy with BT then don't change it. If not then find a better service. I personally would, If I can.

write... write... write...

2009-09-17T18:41:00.003+01:00

Sazzy's mood: Apologetic

Sazzy's listening to: lappy's purr :D

Ok, so Rachel (click here to check her blog out ^^) just reminded me about my blog when she mentioned hers and I just remembered that I didn't write a weekend scribble!!! :O

I'm sorry! I'll remember it next time! :)

Anyway, nothing much happen and I'll try to think of the things that happened back at work to make the Work days 2 (I'm not sure if that was the title of that post... :/).

___________________

Cast your cares upon the lord, for he cares about you.

- I Peter 5:7

Work Days 1

2009-09-12T19:15:00.002+01:00

Sazzy's Mood: Lazy

Sazzy's listening to: Mika - No hope, No love, No glory

Hi everyone! I've been pondering on whether to make this post or not because I was too lazy. haha.

The following post will be of my experiences in my previous work. I resigned from my job to focus on my studies.

(I started writing this at 7 pm and look at the time now! I haven't written anything but those! lol! -It's 7 to 8 right now.)

My first phone call went kinda like this:

Me: Hi, may I speak to Mr. X?

Mr X: Yes?

[Introduce myself, tell them the info they need to know while stuttering a lot]

Mr X: Ok, thanks.

Me: Your Welcome... um... Bye.

[Quickly puts the phone back to it's craddle]

After that, one my supervisors called me and I listened to my own voice and someone else's. She told me to calm down. LOL.

A few calls after that, I got the gist.

(Stopped writing to watch the National Treasure on TV - now 11.11 pm)

Here are a few humourous experiences I had - they happened at my last day. All of these are call backs.

Call 1:

A child answered I'm guessing less than 10. "Hello?" She said with a really cute voice.

Me: Hi, goodevening! May I speak to Mrs-walk-the-dog? (that's not really her name but you'll get why she's called like that.)

Child: erm... wait a second I'll call her.

Me: All right, thank you.

[A few scuffling noises and whispers at the background could be heard.]

Child: Hello?

Me: Hi

Child: Sorry, you just missed her. She went out to walk my dog.

Me: Oh, may I know when's the best time to call back?

Child: Wait a sec.

[scuffling noises again and a few whispers]

Child: Hello? My mom said you could try again tomorrow.

(I smiled at this. Clearly, the child doesn't know how to lie. LOL)

Me: I'll try tomorrow then. Thank you. Have a nice evening.

Child: Bye

Me: Bye

[Place the phone down and laugh]

Call 2:

Mr Beans: Hello?

Me: Hello, good evening. May I speak to Mr Beans please?

Mr Beans: Yes, that's me.

Me: Oh, Hello, sir. My name is ... and I'm calling from ... One of my colleague called you recently and told you about .... Are you still interested sir?

Mr Beans: I thought they're gonna send the details on my post?

Me: Have you called the number sir?

Mr Beans: No.

Me: Well, sir, if you recall back to the questionnaire you did, there wasn't a space provided for your address. You need to call them and get it confirmed before they could send the information to you in the post.

Mr Beans: Oh... right.

Me: Well sir, I can give you their phone number if you want it still. Do you?

Mr Beans: Ok, can you just text it to me?

Me: Sure sir. No problem.

[Was about to bid my farewell]

Mr Beans: Hey, which one do you like? Beans or green peas?

(I watched a video with this kinda approaches towards telemarketers and decided to play along. It was my last day afterall.)

Me: I prefer Beans sir.

Mr Beans: ohhh... Do you drink wine?

Me: Ocassionally.

Mr Beans: Did you know I just got a new motor bike? It's suzuki!

Me: Oh wow, good for you sir.

Mr Beans: I know! It's got [insert motor jargons here]

Me: Cool!

Mr Beans: Hey, can I get your number?

Me: Sir, are you still interested?

[was about to say some nonsensical question]

Me: Thank you for your time sir. Nice talking to you.

[Put the phone down.]

I didn't text him the details. lol. That was probably a bit rude but I wanted to end the call because I was thirsty.

In my last day, I actually broke a rule. Well, our dressing protocol was supposed to be formal but I wore my trainers that day. I honestly didn't know that it wasn't allowed but I guess it was common sense. I even thought about whether to wear the trainers or not before I went out the house. LOL. Also, I kinda slowed my pace down that day and took my sweet time. After a call just ended, I'll actually put the phone down and fiddle with the pen and pretend to be writing something. Then, grab my data sheets and count them and pick one at random.

Before, I wouldn't have put the phone down or count the data sheets or fiddle with my pen. After a call ends I'll dial another immeadiately. That's how I used to work. But I figured that since it was my last day, I'll take it easy.

_____________________

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

-Mahatma Ghandi

Lazy Saz

2009-08-28T19:36:00.005+01:00

Sazzy's mood: Contemplative

Sazzy's listening to: Allan K on Eat Bulaga. lol.

After a very fun and tiring day yesterday, I decided to laze around the house.

Wait, do I hear someone complaining? LOL!

Guess it can't be helped. I usually just laze around the house whenever I have a day off, so hands up to that.

At least I'm not lazy enough to make a blog post! :D Haha. Yes, folks that's my pathetic effort to redeem myself. :P

I woke up today with a throbbing headache. Ok, not the very best of mornings and no, let me just stop you there. I don't drink so I don't have a hangover, clear? If that's not enough to brighten my day my internet speed just has to be slow. What a wonderful day, right?

So, what do you do when you have such a nice day and you can't do anything with your laptop?

Watch the TV!

Yes, isn't the television such an ingenious invention? It's brilliant! You can even watch a bidding channel where you can buy stuff for a very cheap price! Of course, I didn't buy anything. I don't have any money to spare for that. Call me a cheapstake or whatever but I really don't have any to waste. I'm saving up for my re-sits for next year. They're gonna cost me quite a lot and

I'm defo not looking forward to that. :/

After watching the bidding channel for 2 hours or so (I've got too much time on me, don't I?), I flicked through the channels and looked for something good to watch. I finally settled into watching 'Tales from Earthsea' on Film 4. I found another good film to watch which is scheduled to be on at 9 pm this evening. Right now, I'm watching some good ol' dramas downloaded by my sister and just waiting for the clock to strike 9.

I've also finished a small tub of Vanilla flavour Haagen-Dazs. *yum*

__________________

There is no fear in love; for perfect love casteth out fear.

-III John 2

Of Exhaustion and Crappy ISP

2009-08-27T23:34:00.004+01:00

Sazzy's mood: Exhausted

Sazzy's listening to: The silent purr of the electric fan.

I'm tired!!!* I woke up early today.

That's it. Nadda, Zip! The END.

LOL! I'm kidding.

I woke up early today - which is rare! I only wake up that early when I have school... actually, scratch that! I never wake up at 7 am!

So, the reason for this very rare occurance was that we were actually going to Thorpe Park, which is quite a few hours away from where I live. It took us more than 2 hours to reach the theme park via train and bus. It's definitely bigger to any theme park I've been to in my life and it was definitely fun! I've also been soaked TWICE! First was when we rode the Tidal Wave (that was really, really fun!), and second was when we rode the loggers (I was in the front seat as well - I was the most soaked person out of us T_T). I had to change my clothes after the loggers because believe me, it was like I just swam with my clothes on! I was that wet. XD

Moving on, me and my siblings rode one of the extreme rides. I think it's name was the raging inferno? Or was it racing inferno? Oh well, it has an inferno at the end. It's a rollercoaster where your feet is dangling while you're being thrown upside down. lol. It was defo a fun ride but expect to get dizzy when you've finish.

The last ride we rode was a relaxing journey, courtesy of the canada creek railway. You basically sit on this pleasure train (you know, the ones with open sides? yep! them trains.) and count the bears. haha. I'm kidding, you go around the loggers and The Saw (another rollercoaster in promotion of the movie Saw) and enjoy. There were bear figures, which they ask you to count - they are so cute! - throughout the whole trip and in total I counted more than 8 of them. After that, we went home.

We reached our house at approx, 10:30 pm (we left the park at about 7:30) and what welcomed me was a slow internet connection. BT is slowly rising to my hate list (not that I actually have one. lol) and I wish they'd fix it soon. We've been having problems with our internet for almost a month and it's extremely inconvenient.

So after that day out, I'm extremely exhausted from waiting and standing in line for hours; walking about all day; riding scary but fun rides; and finally with this crappy ISP and internet. The idea of sleeping on my bed is very inviting to me right now. I think I'm going to bed.

Good night everyone! :)

* After I typed that this came to mind: "If she's so tired why bother writing a blog?" LOL

____________________

The most decisive actions in our life... are most often unconsidered actions.

-André Gide

2009-08-26T21:03:00.003+01:00

When's the perfect time to post? The answer is: when no one's looking at you!

Haha. I sometimes get insecure whenever someone's looking over my shoulder and reading what I'm writing so while my brother's sleeping and everyone's in the sala, I shall write. :)

I'm missing a whole lot of people not just from over the Philippines but from over here as well. I wonder if friendship really is like that. Haha. I don't know, I've had some close friends before and I never really thought about it that much. I'm not really much of a talker or maybe I'm wrong but I find it hard to strike a conversation. I guess you could say I'm a bit of an introvert?

I don't really know why that is. I think it just, sort of, been always like that? I miss them but I'm afraid of talking to them. Well, not really, but our conversations always strays to serious stuff. haha. I'm not making any sense here am i? I'll just stop.

Ciao

____________________

I was brought up to believe that how I saw my self is more important than how others saw me.

-Anwar el-Sadat

(I would like to believe in this myself.)

Weekend Scribbles 14

2009-08-23T23:54:00.003+01:00

Here goes weekend scribble 14 :)

I'm sorry for not being able to write in the past few days (ignoring the rant post). I realized that my part-time job makes me one of the most hated person to talk to on the phone. lol.

Anyway, I'm just doing my job so I can't help it. We all need money :p

So, I got my AS results and I'm not a happy bunny. LOL. I guess I didn't put enough effort. I may sound arrogant to those who have lower grades than mine but people are different. I'm not trying to be arrogant, I am merely voicing out my dissatisfaction... or maybe my self disappointment?

I thought my GCSE's was a wake up call but apparently, it was not. Right now, more than anyone I feel disaapointed for letting myself down.

Have a lovely week everyone :)

-------------------------

Be not afraid, I go before you always.

Come follow me, and I will give you rest.

-Be not afraid

Depressed?

2009-08-21T00:31:00.003+01:00

Yup! You got it right! I'm depressed. *sigh*

Argh! WTH is wrong with me?!

Shouldn't I be happy? Whoever even made the suggestion to search it?

Argh! I totally hate you right now!

Because of that search I'm utterly confused and I'm feeling bad because of it!

I don't know what to believe in! T_T

I don't care anymore! I just have to endure this right? 1 month? no? 4 months more?

S***! I'm even getting butterflies in my stomach!

Your fault! ^"*^!("%$!

Please ignore this post, however, I cannot promise you that this may never happen again. Look forward to my nonsensical rants. ^0^

Weekend Scribbles 13

2009-08-09T21:57:00.004+01:00

Hey! I nearly forgot to do this! lol.

Anyway, just a quickie scribble since I'm a bit in a hurry.

I've got some pretty good news. I finally found a job! yay!

I work as a telemarketing agent from Monday to Friday 4-7.45 pm :)

...And that's all for now. I will write something longer when I have the time ^^

Bye! Take care :)

Love you guys ^^

Flyff fever? nuuoooOO!

2009-08-01T01:07:00.002+01:00

I think I better pick another Hit in America song... that dead space is annoying me. >_<

Anywhos, I'm sure you have noticed that I'm not blogging as much as I used to, well here's the game to blame: FLYFF. lol. I started playing flyff again one day, when I got bored of reading ghost hunt fanfictions and some stories in fictionpress. I love reading, but you sometimes just have to take a hiatus. You know, to refresh your mind or something. :)

Also, I haven't started writing the next chapter to the YouTuber so that might also have to wait. Maybe when I get over my Flyff fever XD (I hope my readers won't leave me :/ *cross fingers*).

With that, oyasumi!

P.S. I just remembered daily mail :O

gosh that feature is dead :(

Weekend Scribbles 12

2009-07-26T21:38:00.003+01:00

Sazzy's mood: Satisfied

Sazzy's listening to: Pre-parade by Rie Kugimiya

Hi guys!

Despite the constant glitches in FP, I managed to upload Ch 7 of the YouTuber.

I don't have any poems for this weekend scribble (I could probably make one but I'm too lazy.)

btw. I've just finished a sketch of myself lying on my bed while drawing. haha.

I might scan it sometime and post it here. :)

As a last note, I'd just like to officially welcome my summer holiday! NO Classes, NO bedtime restrictions and NO Homeworks! Banzai!!!

2009-07-21T08:34:00.001+01:00

Good morning!

haha! this is just a tiny post to say hi to everyone :)

I think i'm ill....

LUC workshop - Saturday, 18th of July 2009

2009-07-20T21:37:00.006+01:00

This is my 70th post!

Shall i bore you with my comic workshop experience?

The other day, Me and my friend went to a comic workshop held by the London Underground Comics at our local library.

The picture above is the lecture room where the workshop took place. The two people standing at the front are from left: Oliver Lambden and Oli Smith and those people who are sitting are my fellow workshopper.... i don't know their names. Oliver and Oli are accompanied by Sean Azzopardi, who unfortunately, is not in this picture.

The day started alright. I came into the room without any expectations so I was not dissappointed. For the first part of the workshop, they talked about how they got into the business, being published and how they started- 2 hours of that.

At 12:00 we took a lunch break and after that is where the fun part starts. They told us a few things about pannelling and different formats of a comic and told us to make our own - with their help of course. Up there is the draft our own comic titled 'DOGG-E The Bounty Hunter' It was a collaboration between me and my friend. I drew that little comic strip and she drew that dog with the billowy cape.

Due to the time, we didn't get to finish our comic but it was fun nontheless. I think we shouldn't have taken it too seriously. LOL. We also made a little four panel comic which was made like the word-association game but instead of words, we drew them. I didn't keep mine and gave it to the instigator of the little comic because he seemed to really want it. LOL.

-----------------------------------

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

-Bob Hope

Weekend Scribbles 11

2009-07-18T21:48:00.003+01:00

My messy scribble lay forgotten,

jumbled words swirling in my head.

Incoherent thoughts

invading my mind.

Have you forgotten?

Or chose to forget?

Saturday, 12:32 am

2009-07-18T00:32:00.004+01:00

I intend this entry to be short and simple. (I hope so.)

I am on my 60+ post and I think that's really awesome. Haha. I think I'm the only one who agrees with that. The reason is... i guess... you could say that I am making up for the lost time. It was such a pity when I mistakenly deleted a lot of blog entries. I admit, that was such an idiotic act. But in turn, something good came out of it. That is, it made me want to blog more. :)

I just watched the Harry Potter and the Half blood prince movie. It was a good film - as always. But it can never compare to the book.

I have found that I cannot finnish a large popcorn on my own. I thought i'd just randomly sneak that fact in. LOL.

At the moment, I am sleepy and I just, gladly, gotten over a sudden clawing pain in my lower abdomen. I am pretty much used to such pain but I can never feel comfortable or happy with it. I mean, who wants to feel pain?

Another random fact that I thought I'd throw in is that, today is my last day of school! It's finally the long awaited summer vacation. I would also be attending a comic workshop held by the London Underground comic artists at our local library, tomorrow at 10 am.

Ugh, I just felt a sudden wave of faint. I think it's time to sleep. haha.

Good night :)

Personality Patterns

2009-07-14T17:07:00.000+01:00

Centered

You often feel balanced and on top of things, even when those around you are freaking out. You're in a pretty good state all the time, and not subject to drastic mood swings.

You don't usually react before you think; you're not ruled by your emotions.

Scrupulous

You are an honest, fair person. You don't lie or cheat to get ahead. You treat others with respect and hope for the same in return.

You do not feel that you are above the rules that everyone else follows; you are definitely not willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead.

Prudent

You look before you leap, think before you act, consider what you're about to say before you open your mouth to speak; that's why you rarely have to eat your words.

You usually don't get excited easily or blurt out the first thing that comes to mind without considering the consequences.

Calm

You rarely become irritated, generally accept people as they are, take things as they come, and feel relaxed in most situations.

You do not let a minor annoyance escalate to a confrontation. You don't regularly snap at those around you or fly off the handle with little provocation.

Introspective

You like your own company; you're a very interesting person. Tracking your own mental processes, knowing what you're thinking and why you do what you do, is important to you. Often, what's going on in your mind is more compelling than what's going on outside. For the most part, those with a high score on the "introspective" trait enjoy reading, taking long walks, learning new things, and other solitary activities.

You are not someone who is constantly looking to be among a group of friends; you never feel bored when you are by yourself.

Resilient

You bounce back quickly from adversity. For you, all setbacks are temporary. You don't dwell on bad news, bad luck, or criticism; you regroup and focus on solving the problem, whatever it may be.

You almost never feel that there's too much on your plate, that you don't have the strength to deal with the bad hand you've been dealt, or that you're going to lose it if you have to deal with one more problem.

Upbeat

You enjoy being around others and others enjoy being around you. You have a "live and let live" attitude; because you know that no one's perfect, you are forgiving and happy to give the benefit of the doubt.

You don't feel the need to be controversial or express contrary opinions all the time. You see no reason to go around rubbing people the wrong way.

Cautious

You very rarely make a move without first considering the pros and cons and, therefore, rarely do anything foolish or extravagant.

You are not rash; you almost never act before you think and, therefore, rarely end up doing things you later regret.

Responsible

You fulfill your obligations and responsibilities, are true to your word, and generally obey the rules. While the majority of those who have a high score on the "responsible" trait enjoy traveling, they are usually very happy to return home — and don’t mind staying put for a while.

You're opposed to making hasty decisions, you don't insist that you're above the rules, nor do you feel compelled to color outside the lines.

Unflappable

You are not a slave to your emotions. It takes a lot to upset or unnerve you. That's why you're a good person to have around in a crisis.

You don't let it all hang out, which means that those around you often don't know the pressures you're under or what you're going through. You're not the kind of person people run from in a crisis.

Traumatic Biology report?

2009-07-13T19:26:00.004+01:00

I decided to write since I am pretty much getting bored. So what shall I tell you people today? Do you want to hear about my day?

Well, my day started out to be quite good, although, I was late this morning - not the point. Ok. Maybe it wasn't as good as I wanted it to be. To tell the truth, my morning was somehow bad. On top of being late, we had to deliver a report in Biology first thing in the morning.

In all honesty, we did well in that report. It was just that we didn't really put much effort into it and we ended up with not-so-well presented posters. The other people in my group were fine and they actually know what they were talking about. I, however, do know what I am talking about but I was too nervous to say them properly. Picture this: Me and my group were standing up behind a row of tables. My teacher and four other people in the other group were on the other side, listening to us. My notes with all the explanation to save my life well written out for me and all i had to do was read it. Me, standing there holding an A3 poster titled 'The Electron Transport Chain', my hands shaking, my voice really really low (i doubt they were able to hear it or maybe they did because I was corrected by my teacher for mixing the redox reactions), them staring at me waiting patiently for me to finish. Then me having a mental blackout.

Yes, not a pretty sight. I should've just read the explanation off my notes and everything would have been nice and dandy. Instead, I opted to explaining it all with jumbled words off my heart - a stupid thing to do really.

After that traumatic morning (I am being sarcastic), the rest of the day went really smooth. After classes, me and my mates rested in the library to pass the time off chatting in whispers till 10 to 4 pm. We had to attend the eucharistic ministry training wherein we were taught how to properly give the unleavened bread and the wine in communion. In the middle of things, however, my mom called me to ask me where I am. I had forgotten to tell her that I would be attending the said training. haha.

Anyway, after all that were done I went home and did my own thing :)

-------------------------------------

If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life will change.

- Buddha

Weekend Scribbles 10

2009-07-12T23:15:00.003+01:00

Nothing beats the pulse of the heart.

That sinking feeling.

The excitement, the thrill.

It hurts but I welcome it still.

It's unbearable at times,

But it proves that I am here.

More of her randomness.

2009-07-07T20:45:00.003+01:00

For the past few days (or maybe the past few months?) I have been thinking about this:

Where else can I go in the world wide web besides FictionPress.com, FanFiction.com, Facebook, Blogger, Youtube, Travia, Plurk and OneManga.com?

I'm feeling bored. haha. Where do you go when you surf the net?

What Boredom can do to you.

2009-07-06T19:18:00.004+01:00

I'm going to tell you about something that happened a few days ago. I guess you could say I was utterly bored that I don't even know what I'm talking about.

Well, it all started when we where in the common room and had nothing to do. Remember the arts week? It happened during those times. So, I was in the common room together with my friends and I was really really bored. I mean it, I was even kicking the rag week props and taking pictures of everything that my lens decided to rest. I was that bored.

And so, when I finally got tired of wandering around the room I sat down on the floor and a conversation about all sorts of things started. Then one of my friends mentioned how the guy who did the audio book for harry potter has a nice voice and I remembered this mp3 I found during my revisions made by a Biology teacher from some school somewhere. Incidentally, I am doing my A-levels Biology so I decided it wouldn't really hurt to download the mp3's. Well, it didn't really help me at the time and the only thing I could think of is 'this teacher has got a lot of time in his hands." I told them about this and well, I was only meant to say that he has a nice accent and his voice is really nice but I blurted out this: "He's got a sexy voice."

Exactly, my sentiment. It was such an embarrassing moment and thinking back now it makes me laugh. I can't believe I actually said that. XD

Yeah and well, I don't even know why I'm retelling such an embarrassing story to you guys. I guess I want to make it clear that the Biology teacher I was talking about isn't the Biology teacher who is working in my school. That would be just wrong.

----------------------------------

All things are difficult before they are easy.

-Dr. Thomas Fuller

Haiku 1

2009-07-06T18:55:00.002+01:00

My sunshine

....

You were like the sun,

The moment you smile I laugh,

You bring joy to me

...

Writers block, oh! how I dislike thee!

2009-07-05T23:34:00.002+01:00

Yes.

I am sure that every writers in the world no matter how good you are or how crappy you are (just like me) feel this every once in a while. And right now, I am on one.

See? This is why I can never finish any multi-chapter I started. It just keeps on biting me where it hurts (you know what I wanted to say... It's that infamous phrase of 'it keeps on biting me on the a** phrase.), it's like one of those quicksand where you can't do anything but be engulfed.

It's scary.

Anyway, I hope I can get over this pretty soon because, well, I want to at least finish one of my stories. I want to feel that sense of accomplishment and feel proud of myself (even if the work is nothing to be proud of - still that doesn't matter.) and say that 'aha! You've done well!'

Yeah well, i'm probably being overdramatic again so let's just stop before you start 'booing' me and start throwing things at me. (i'll throw it back though except if it's something nice I won't :P)

Tata,

Sazzy

Weekend Scribbles 9

2009-07-05T19:52:00.000+01:00

Anxiety will always be something I won't ever come to be comfortable with.

And she rambles away...

2009-07-02T22:47:00.004+01:00

I'm thinking I'm rather getting a bit sloppy when it comes to daily mail. Don't you agree?

Well, I won't say anything more about this matter because I might jinx the possibility of the 5th daily mail from seeing the light of the day anytime this week.

So, anyway, lately, the purpose of coming to school is slowly drifting away from my mind. I mean, what is the point of being at school for how many hours? six? When all we do is just laze around, play cards, and bore our minds out because it's arts week?

Not that I'm complaining, which by the looks of it, I certainly am - not the point. They could've just given us the time off or something. We don't really do anything at all. *sigh*

And boredom is most definitely not something you'd want to pair up with me.

Edit: Our word of the week 'away'

Lol!

My self-inflicted punishment.

2009-06-30T16:38:00.004+01:00

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Would you believe me if I say i typed all that sorries out without copying and pasting them?

You probably wouldn't but I did.

I'm sorry I did it. I really am.

I'll try not to do it again so please forgive me. please.

Weekend Scribbles 8

2009-06-28T23:23:00.002+01:00

Quick! We have to make a scribble before the clock strikes twelve or it won't be a weekend scribble anymore! :O

Ok! Hey everyone! I've had loads of fun today! We went to the Filipino Family Day somewhere near us and I played all sorts of things. A little bit of basketball, darts, billiards, chess, bouncing in the bouncy castle, playing at the big playground and lots and lots of volleyball! (Hence, my arms are hurting right now.)

So, I can't really type properly without my arms aching so I'll stop now.

Tata!

Sazzy

She's sribbling away.

2009-06-27T16:03:00.002+01:00

Yep. I'm posting a lot of scribbles... I wonder why?

I'm feeling a lot better now and I didn't go jogging this morning because I didn't feel really good and I don't want to pass out on the pavement in the middle of it. (That'd be really bad... and kakowarui >_<)

We have a filipino mass today later on in the evening and well, I should stop myself from going to FP for a while.

2009-06-26T22:13:00.003+01:00

Now... I don't like it when my body just suddenly felt like it wanted to vomit....

I don't like it one bit! In fact i think i don't like it at all!

(i just said that...)

(urgh, told you i can't think well....)

bye. again.

I don't feel well~

2009-06-26T21:37:00.002+01:00

*sigh* wish this would just go away... I don't like it.

I wonder what is it that make me this nervous...

I feel quesy and funny and my tummy's also feeling funny...

I can't think...

bye.

Daily Mail 4

2009-06-23T19:58:00.005+01:00

We have a lot of time to catch up people! It's been over 3 weeks since I last did Daily Mail so expect a pretty long list. :)

What Sazzy's been doing for the past 3 weeks she didn't do the Daily Mail:

1. Revision. It is still at the top. For the first 2 weeks i didn't do Daily Mail I was busy revising for Chemistry, Biololgy and Mechanics. Thankfully, all of them is over now and I've now got a lot of free time in my hands - ok, maybe not a lot, but I have more free time now than when I have my exams. LOL

2. Writing. I've been doing a lot of these for the past 2 weeks. To prove that my newest story is already up in FP and it's called The YouTuber. The story came to me while browsing my friend and my fellow blogger's page. (Yes, Eileen it's you :P) She posted a link of a video by ebgarcia3 and that's where the idea came from.

3. Exercising. yay! haha! It's not that rare that I'm exercising so I won't say much about it. It seems that me and my friends established a Saturday morning jogging routine. So expect me to wake up before 8 am every Saturday and jog at the seafront.

4. Reading. I've been reading a lot. haha. I know you know that, anyway, it's not a new news. I think for the past 3 weeks I haven't done Daily Mail I've read about 5 multi-chapters in FP and I've finished reading a novel. (Bookworm alert!)

5. Organizing her learning. Let's just say, I've finally learned my lesson after 17 years or so. I don't want to be in the position where I'm always feeling in the dark. Not knowing what I'm doing and feeling lost whenever it's time to be tested. I want to be in control of my learning and not be controlled by it. In the end, I want to walk in the exam room and feel confident that I'm going to get the grades I want. Maybe you should do it too, because it's hard when you're always under the water.

6. Jotting notes. Errr.... I have been jotting down notes from different books about the topics for Biology but that's about it. Isn't this under number 5?

7. Playing Travian, Online FB games, plurking and blogging. Whoa! that's a lot in one go. haha. They are my online obsession nowadays. Don't worry though, I'm balancing my learning and my play time so I'm good.

8. Arts Award. For once! I've actually done some work towards my Arts Award. Be proud of me! haha.

9. Being the Family Computer Tech. As always. LOL. I'm a little bit able to fix our family PC. haha. Ok, well, maybe not just a little bit. I'm not new to fixing our family computer because I'm always the one to fix it whenever a driver crashed, there's an error or whenever it caught a virus. I learnt from my mistake that I shouldn't use the family PC for useless things (e.g. reading manga or anything unimportant) because I'll be the one they'll blame why things happen to it. So, I'm always using my laptop.

10. Extra Curriculars and Hanging out. Lately, I'm not just busy because of my studies but because I'm involved in some stuff outside of school as well and I'm having fun. I've also been hanging out a lot with my friends. My parents were commenting about it the other day asking me why i'm always going out and such. So I'm thinking, I'll try to lay low for the next few weeks.

11. Looking over University Prospectuses. This is the last one promise! LOL. I'm still looking for that course that'll suit me. Yes, I do want to enter medicine but let's be realistic here. What's the probability that I can attend one? There are thousands of students aiming for the same goal all over UK and it's better to have backup courses available to me than to wait anxiously if I passed or not.

--------------------------------------------

Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss when you're going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.

- Eddie Cantor

Weekend Scribbles 7

2009-06-20T11:01:00.003+01:00

This is my 50th post! :D

Well, I'd just like to thank my friends for their cunning ways of voting me for the Jack Petchey without me knowing. I did suspect something was up but I didn't know what it is. lol. So a big big Thank you guys! :)

P.S. I won the award together with another student :)